Category Archives: Spoof headlines

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Everyone in Middle East Given Own Country in 317,000,000-State Solution

Voters Clamoring to Know if Female Political Candidate Is a Mother First

Fleeing Iraqis Relieved That Cheney Has No Regrets About War

Brazilian Government Posts Listings for 12 Soccer Stadiums on Craigslist

LeBron Congratulates People of Cleveland on Having Him Back

New Study Finds Most of Earth’s Oxygen Used for Complaining

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Environmental Study Finds Air in Chicago Now 75% Bullets

Criminal Prosecuted to Fullest Extent of Budget

People Who Call Obama Worst President Since Second World War Also Blame Him for Starting It

Bored Scientists Now Just Sticking Random Things Into Large Hadron Collider

Report: Half of All Americans Probably Should Have Thought of That Before They Opened Their Mouth

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Obama Signs Passive-Aggressive Executive Order

Supreme Court Majority Calls Case a Dispute Between Women and People

Obama Narrowly Misses Quarterly Performance Bonus

U.S. Government Sets Aside 600,000 Acres of Pristine Land for Future Generations to Pollute

Report: Shame of Walking Out Without Buying Anything Drives 90% of Purchases at Small Businesses

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Dick Cheney: ‘My Thoughts and Prayers Are With the Iraqi Oil Wells’

Boehner Calls Obama’s Practice of Accomplishing Things Unconstitutional

Elite Congressman Trained to Kill Legislation in 24 Different Ways

Study Finds Americans Lead World in Ability to Justify Unnecessary Purchases

Magical Office Worker Able to Turn Everything He Touches Into More Work for Colleagues

New Report Suggests It’s Kind of Weird Baseball Uniforms Have Belts

NFL Thankful Northwestern’s Activist Players Will Never Make It to League

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Pressure on Obama to Quickly Resolve Centuries-Old Sunni-Shiite Conflict

McCain Calls for Emergency Blame Game on Iraq

Resigning House Leader Cantor Reflects on All the Accomplishments He Thwarted

Boehner Announces Ambitious Plan to Avoid Eye Contact With Cantor

Nancy Pelosi Rushes Into Living Room to Hear Grandson’s First Talking Point

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Virginians Choose Even Bigger Tool

Obama Already Knows Who He’s Going to Tear Apart in Memoir

Hillary Considers Dropping 2016 Bid After Reading One-Star Reviews on Amazon

Rand Paul Calls Hillary’s Book Not Worth Plagiarizing

World’s Greatest Soccer Stars Arrive in Brazil for Monthlong Coca-Cola Ad

Cavaliers GM Believes Joel Embiid Perfect Prospect to Build Medical Team Around

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

VA to Improve Veterans’ Health Care With New $500 Million Waiting Room

Obama Defends Controversial Policy of Not Invading Countries for No Reason

Congress Splits Into Male and Female Senators to Discuss Newest Reproductive Bill

New STEM Education Initiative Inspires Girls to Earn Less Than Men in Scientific Career

Local Woman a Leading Authority on What Shouldn’t Be in Poor People’s Grocery Carts

High School Student, Teacher Applying for Same Summer Waitressing Job

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Congress Reluctant to Cut Funding for Tank That Just Spins Around and Self-Destructs

GOP: Evil Mastermind Behind Benghazi Is Frail Old Woman With Brain Damage

Conservatives Praise Antarctic Ice Sheet Melt as Beautiful Expression of Free Market

Study: Average American Now Requires 3 Attempts to Get Up From Seated Position

Man Only Buys Products Made Right Here in the USA by Cheap Immigrant Labor

Three Sports Scientists Killed Attempting to Harness X Factor

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Poll: Millions of Americans Who Need Jobs Want Congress to Get to Bottom of This Benghazi Thing First

Millionaires Unite to Defeat Minimum Wage

Sterling Says He Will Miss Being Around People He Hates

Republicans Blast Nevada Rancher for Failing to Use Commonly Accepted Racial Code Words

Income Inequality Emerges as Key Topic to Avoid in 2014 Elections

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Supreme Court Calls Lying by Politicians an Expression of Their Religion

Boehner: ‘I Don’t Want to Live in a World Where 8 Million People Get Affordable Health Care’

John Kerry Poses as Masseuse to Get Few Minutes With Putin

Supreme Court Defends Wealthy’s Right to Own Government

Study Links Meat, Sugar Consumption to Early Death Among Those Who Choose to Be Happy in Life

Rick Perry Hopes Combination of Wearing Glasses and Not Talking Will Make Him Seem Smarter

Zuckerberg Vows Facebook Will Shoot Down Google Drones

New App Matches You With Others in Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 on Same App

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Rep. Issa Subpoenas 7 Million Americans Who Signed Up for Obamacare

Putin Announces Historic G1 Summit

White House Sends Obama to 3-Day Management Seminar at Washington Marriott

Sheldon Adelson Says No Republican Candidate Worth Buying

College Senior Already Has Grueling 14-Month Employment Search Lined Up After Graduation

Single Mother Hogging 2 Jobs

Warren Buffett Offers $1 Billion for Dick Vitale to Shut Up

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Fred Phelps, Man Who Forever Stopped March of Gay Rights, Dead at 84

U.S. Freezes Putin’s Netflix Account

Crimean Voters Excited to Exercise Democracy for Last Time

Ukraine Situation Further Confused After Appearance by John Travolta

Obama’s Plan to Pay People Enough to Eat Stirs Controversy

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Arizona Governor Vetoes Anti-Gay Bill: ‘Let’s Focus on Discriminating Against Mexicans’

Academy to Give Oscar Runners-Up Detailed Progress Reports Outlining Where Stars Can Improve

Expressing Deeply Held Political Opinion Referred to as ‘Gaffe’

Winter Olympics Inspire Nation’s Youth to Try Sports Their Parents Can’t Afford

Dick Vitale Undergoes Annual Bracketological Examination

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Putin After Hockey Loss: ‘This Must Be What an Actual Election Feels Like’

Bill Gates Spends Entire First Day Back in Office Trying to Install Windows 8.1

Christie Asks for Public’s Patience While He Comes Up With New Story

Supreme Court Reaches Landmark ‘It Depends’ Ruling

Coke’s Wild Assertion That Other Languages Exist Stirs Controversy

New Poll Finds Most NFL Players Still Not Ready to Date Gay Teammate

Nation Admits It Would’ve Been Fun to Watch Marcus Smart Beat Up Fan

Kevin Durant Has Off Night With Quiet 94-for-128, 210-Point Performance

New Parents Wisely Start College Fund That Will Pay for 12 Weeks of Education

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Aides Advised Obama to Avoid Any Mention of America During State of the Union Speech

Republicans Responded to State of Union With Grumpiest Faces Ever

Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action in Congress

Swift Boat Veterans for Truth Clear John Kerry After Exhaustive 9-Year Investigation

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Fox News: Obama to Force All Americans to Buy Pot

Mayors Bullied by Christie Form Support Group

Nation Recalls Simpler Time When Health Care System Was Broken Beyond Repair

Kim Jong Un: Bieber Just a Few Arrests From Being My Friend

Royals Courted Masahiro Tanaka by Highlighting Kansas City’s Rich Japanese History

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Record for Worst Congress of All Time So Close Boehner Can Taste It

Scalia Calls ‘Duck Dynasty’ Decision Unconstitutional

Fast-Food Industry Rejects Workers’ Demand to Be Considered Human

30-Year-Old Has Earned $11 More Than He Would Have Without College Education

Miami Heat Fans Growing Frustrated With Team’s Lack of NBA Titles Since June

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

GOP: HealthCare.gov Too Fast Now

Iran’s Supreme Leader Hopes Nuke Deal Distracts Attention From Obamacare

Hubble Telescope Sends Back Annoying Stream of Selfies

New England Patriots Now Using Drones to Take Out Offensive Threats

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

SPOOFSLOGOThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Sebelius Admits She Has Never Actually Gotten on Healthcare.gov

GOP Unveils Own Health Care Website, EmergencyRoom.gov

NASA: ‘We Will Have A Mass Shooting On The Moon By 2055’

CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO

Salivating Andy Reid Still Chasing Perfect Seasoning

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

NSA Promises to Stop Getting Caught Spying on Allies
Nation That Waited Decades to Pass Health Care Reform Infuriated by Slow Website
White House Thrilled With Record Number of People Who Thought They Signed Up for Health Care
Snowden Offers to Fix HealthCare.gov
Boehner Hoping to Remain Leader of Republican Parties
Josh Freeman Takes on Leadership Role to Help Vikings Find Franchise Quarterback

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Psychiatrists Deeply Concerned for 5% of Americans Who Approve of Congress
Cruz: ‘The Dream of Keeping Poor People From Seeing a Doctor Must Never Die’
Republicans Shut Down Prefrontal Cortex
Rand Paul Proposes Reopening Just Enough of Government to Hold New Hearings on Benghazi
Poll: Americans Divided Over What Wild Animal They Would Like to See Congress Mauled By
New Pro Football Hall of Fame Exhibit Allows Visitors to Experience Concussion
Washington Redskins Change Their Name to the D.C. Redskins

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Senate Reaches Bipartisan Deal to Shut Down Ted Cruz

Republicans Warn Iranian President Against Shaking Obama’s Hand

Kerry Shocked to Be Taken Seriously

House Republicans Line Up for Free Annual Physicals Before Defunding Obamacare

Scalia Forms Search Committee for New Pope

In Poll About Debt-Ceiling Crisis, Americans Totally Excited About New iPhone

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Obama Promises Syria Strike Will Have No Objective

Republicans Offer Syria Strategy: ‘We Must Defund Obamacare’

Obama Assures Americans This Will Not Be Another 1456 Ottoman Siege of Belgrade

Poll: Majority of Americans Approve of Sending Congress to Syria

Assad Unable to Convince Putin That He Used Chemical Weapons on Syrians

Report: Millions of Courageous Americans Overcoming Media Pressure to Be Thin

G20 Ends Abruptly as Obama Calls Putin a Jackass

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from theonion.com:

Obama Deeply Concerned After Syrians Gassed to Death on White House Lawn

Israel Builds New Settlement to Host Palestinian Peace Talks

Psychiatrist Patiently Listens to Obama Complain about Every Single American

Economists Advise Nation’s Poor to Invent the Next Facebook

Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Amazon Founder Says He Clicked on Washington Post by Mistake

Report: Economy Just One Obama Speech Away From Recovery

Boehner Urges Republicans to Rest Up for Meaningless Votes Ahead

Scalia Offers to Help Pope Judge Gays

New Texas Law Requires Voters to Have ID With Photo of White Person

Nation Just Wants to Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained at All Times