WE Blog

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
BILL CLINTON SWITCHES TO OBAMA; Latest Superdelegate Defection for Hillary
OBAMA PROPOSES GASBAG HOLIDAY; Prominent Gasbags Oppose Plan
OBAMA DE-FRIENDS WRIGHT ON FACEBOOK; Signals Complete Break With Former Pastor
DEMOCRATIC RACE ‘TOO MEAN,’ SAY SWIFT-BOAT VETERANS; Giving Swift-boating a Bad Name, Group Fears

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
MARKET TUMBLES ON NEWS THAT BUSH IS STILL PRESIDENT; White House Appearance ‘A Painful Reminder,’ Experts Say
HILLARY SAYS 8-YEAR-OLD BOSNIAN GIRL WAS ACTUALLY SNIPER; Bouquet of Flowers Hid Semiautomatic Weapon
NADER TELLS GRAVEL TO GET OUT OF RACE; Making a Fool of Himself, Ralph Warns
HILLARY VOWS TO STAY IN RACE 100 YEARS; Nixes Exit Strategy
BUSH TO PHASE OUT ENVIRONMENT BY 2009; Declares War on Prairie Dogs
HILLARY SAYS SHE ‘MISSPOKE’ ABOUT WRESTLING BIN LADEN; Was Greeting Students in Orlando, Clinton Admits

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:

CALLING HILLARY A MONSTER ‘OFFENSIVE,’ MONSTERS SAY: Prominent Miscreants Outraged Over Remark
‘SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’ ABANDONS COMEDY FORMAT TO FOCUS ON ENDORSEMENTS; Change in Mission for Venerable Late Night Show
BUSH SAYS HE LETS RED PHONE GO STRAIGHT TO VOICE MAIL; ‘Baffled’ by Clinton Campaign Ads, President Says
CLINTON, OBAMA SPAR OVER DENTAL PLANS; Nomination Fight Shifts to Voters’ Mouths
CASH-RICH OBAMA BUYS YAHOO; Outbids Microsoft for Internet Giant

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:

HILLARY SENDS BILL ON CAMPAIGN TRIP TO ANTARCTICA; Will Remain There Until Convention, Aides Confirm

KUCINICH’S EXIT STUNS LONE SUPPORTER; Solitary Volunteer Calls Departure ‘Hasty’

NADER WARNS BLOOMBERG NOT TO RUN; Only Room for One Egomaniac in Race, Activist Says

HILLARY, OBAMA GET A ROOM; Candidates Bow to Request of Debate Viewers

The following are some predictions for 2008 from borowitzreport.com:

— Responding to the controversy over the CIA’s waterboarding videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration’s opposition to videotaping.

— After paying $5 billion for the Wall Street Journal, Rupert Murdoch (in photo) will reduce the size of the paper by removing the facts.

— As the writers’ strike drags on, Paramount will produce the second “Transformers” film without a script, just like it did the first one.

— China will send a new brand of rat poison to the United States under the name “Delicious Cupcakes.”

— In his last official act, Bush will announce an exit strategy from Iraq. The president will withdraw all U.S. troops — through Iran.

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
HILLARY REFUSES TO ANSWER PAPER-OR-PLASTIC QUESTION; Calls Cashier’s Query ‘Hypothetical’
PAT ROBERTSON SAYS GIULIANI PRESIDENCY APPEARS IN BOOK OF REVELATION; Rudy Would Usher in Biblical ‘End Days,’ Evangelist Says
BUSH GIVES MUSHARRAF TIPS ON ELIMINATING DEMOCRACY; ‘Benefit From My Experience,’ President Tells Pakistani
SATAN REFUSES TO TAKE SIDES IN REGAN-MURDOCH LAWSUIT; Prince of Darkness ‘Caught in the Middle’ of Longtime Associates
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

The following satirical news story comes from borowitzreport.com:
Furious about what they see as negative media stereotypes about waterboarding, a group representing the nation’s waterboarders marched on Washington today.
“When senators use the words ‘controlled drowning,’ people ignore the ‘controlled’ part and focus on the ‘drowning’ part,” said Carol Foyler, executive director of the waterboarders’ group. “As someone who spent years of training to become a licensed waterboarder, I’m deeply offended by this.”
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
BUSH VETOES CANDY FOR BABIES; Move Takes Candy From 4 Million Babies
IN A SIGN OF CONFIDENCE, CLINTON AIRS VICIOUS ATTACK ADS ABOUT HERSELF; Bid to Pre-empt Rivals, Aides Say
ROCKET SCIENTIST NOT AS SMART AS ORIGINALLY THOUGHT; New Findings in Study Commissioned by Brain Surgeons
AHMADINEJAD INVITES U.N. INSPECTORS TO SEARCH FOR HOMOSEXUALS; Permits Use of Advanced Gaydar
NEW CBS REALITY SHOW SENDS KIDS TO GUANTANAMO; Network Set to Launch ‘Kid Detention’
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
NBC LAUNCHES ‘TO CATCH A SENATOR’; Chris Hansen to Stake Out Airport Bathrooms
GONZALES TO SPEND MORE TIME EAVESDROPPING ON HIS FAMILY; ‘Domestic Surveillance Begins at Home,’ Former AG Says
ROVE’S LEGACY TAINTED BY STEROIDS; ‘Bush’s Brain’ Was Juicing, Experts Say
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
BOWING TO PUBLISHING TREND, ROWLING TO REWRITE LAST INSTALLMENT OF POTTER SERIES TO MAKE HILLARY CLINTON THE VILLAIN
NADER’S EGO ENTERS 2008 RACE; Massive Ego Fills Madison Square Garden
CONGRESS HIRES ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS TO WRITE IMMIGRATION BILL; Lawmakers Cite Cost Savings
BUSH TO UNVEIL PLAN TO PHASE OUT ENVIRONMENT BY 2010
CNN TO OFFER SERVICE IN WHICH IT WILL BROADCAST DEMOCRATIC DEBATES BUT CROP OUT MIKE GRAVEL
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
GOP HOPEFULS CLASH OVER WHO IS THE WHITEST; Court Elusive White Male Voter in Televised Face-off
GIULIANI CHALLENGES HIMSELF TO DEBATE; Hopes to Clarify Position on Abortion
WOLFOWITZ’S GIRLFRIEND RESIGNS AS WOLFOWITZ’S GIRLFRIEND; Relinquishes Girlfriend Post ‘Effective Immediately’
FRANCE FAILS TO ELECT HOTTEST PRESIDENT EVER; Millions of Frenchmen Furious
WHITE HOUSE SEEKS LYING CZAR; Would Coordinate Distortions About Iraq, Afghanistan
BUSH POSTPONES THINKING ABOUT IRAQ UNTIL 2009; Says Thinking Would Send ‘Wrong Message’ to Enemy
U.S. SENDS RICH LITTLE TO IRAQ TO ENTERTAIN INSURGENTS; Pentagon Hopes to Confuse the Enemy
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
BUSH OFFERS U.S. ATTORNEYS NEW POSITIONS IN IRAQ; Attempt to Calm Furor Over Mass Sacking
BOWING TO PRESSURE, ART GALLERY REPLACES CHOCOLATE JESUS WITH CHOCOLATE SATAN; But Move Sparks Protest Among Chocolate Worshippers
GIULIANI’S WIFE ALSO MARRIED TO ROMNEY; Confession Roils GOP Race
NEW HILLARY SOFTWARE LETS VOTERS CUSTOMIZE HER POSITIONS; Hillary 8.0 Could Spell Victory in ‘08
SCIENTISTS STUDY MEMORY LOSS AMONG POLITICIANS; Near Amnesia Reaching Epidemic Proportions, Experts Say
Posted by Phillip Brownlee