“I’m getting used to my new title, ‘Madam Secretary.’ First, no one would ever want me to be their secretary, and I’ve never aspired to be a madam. And now I’m both.” — Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, addressing the American Health Lawyers Association
“So if they get hit by a bus, they’ll be OK. Well, not OK, but at least they’ll have insurance.” — Sebelius again, referring to the many Americans with only catastrophic health coverage
“The Legislature absolutely failed its responsibility.” — Gary Sherrer, member of the Kansas Board of Regents, on the Legislature’s decision to continue to phase out several taxes while cutting education funding, which forced tuition hikes
“I would feel good confessing my sins to Bob.” — Regent Dan Lykins, suggesting that retiring University of Kansas chancellor Robert Hemenway would have made a good priest
“Outside of the Capitol, no one knows who I am. They don’t know that I’m the governor.” — Gov. Mark Parkinson, on his new blog, on trying to get a pizza delivered to Cedar Crest and being mistaken in St. Louis for a member of his security detail
“Rep. Tiahrt’s campaign logo looks like he stole it off of a note passed to him by a 13 year-old girl.” — An unnamed “former state party official” to Politico’s Shenanigans blog, about the logo’s “T” and heart
South Carolina Gov. Mark “Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I’m like, great, now we’re outsourcing mistresses.” — Craig Ferguson
“President Obama will throw out the first pitch at the All-Star game in St. Louis. That’s pretty cool. Yeah. But Joe Biden will be on hand to commit the first error.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Here’s a big story, ladies and gentlemen. Yesterday, there was an earthquake in Alaska. I’m kind of afraid to say anything.” — David Letterman
“A no-comment day.” — Sen. Pat Roberts (in photo), R-Kan., as he and other Senate Republicans brushed off media requests Wednesday for reaction to news of Nevada Sen. John Ensign’s extramarital affair
“A wonderfully quiet town that is sometimes shocked into the limelight.” — KAKE News anchorman Larry Hatteberg, describing Wichita in Time magazine
“It’s like a guy coming up from the Triple-A trying to knock off a major leaguer.” — Kansas State University political science professor Joe Aistrup, on why Ron Thornburgh opted not to challenge Sam Brownback for the GOP gubernatorial primary
“Iraq and a lot of the skirmishes we are in are about energy. . . . We feel it makes more sense to put wind turbines on our prairie instead of our fine young men and women under the prairie.” — Kirk Lowell, executive director of CloudCorp, on the Meridian Way Wind Farm
“I really believe that, if the right decisions are made, Kansas can be the renewable energy capital of the world in the same way that we are the Air Capital of the World.” — Gov. Mark Parkinson
“After the elections, the supreme leader in Iran certified the election results and shipped the crooked voting machines back to Florida.” — David Letterman
“Mir Hossein Mousavi is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesn’t work, he’s planning on making a documentary about global warming.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Marvel Comics is getting set to bring back Captain America. They’re going to do this as soon as they get a loan from Captain China.” — Conan O’Brien
