Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:

Petraeus Started Affair Last Year to Cover Up Benghazi, Says Conspiracy Theorist
Conservative Megadonors Spent Week Yelling at Their Money
Needy Nation Breaks Down After First Full Week Without Being Pandered to by Politicians
As Syria Spirals Into Chaos, the Media Ask: Is It Really Over for Justin and Selena?
Nation Horrified to Learn About War in Afghanistan While Reading up on Petraeus Sex Scandal
John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John Christmas Album Plunges Nation Into Double-Dip Recession