The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:
GOP Offers Delegates Tips on Pretending to Like Romney
‘You Did Great!’ Terrified Personal Assistant Tells Clint Eastwood
As Hurricane Approaches, Romney Calls for Emergency Tax Cuts
Lance Armstrong Lets Down Single Person Who Still Believed Him
RNC Builds Levee Out of Poor People to Protect Convention Site
Ground Emerges as Tim Tebow’s Favorite Target
