Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

spoofslogo15The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:
MISS CALIFORNIA VOWS TO USE HER NAKED BREASTS FOR GOOD; Fight Against Gay Marriage Will Be ‘Tireless, Topless’
SOCIAL SECURITY OVERHAULED TO PROVIDE ‘EARLY-DEATH INCENTIVES’
CHENEY TO TRAVEL AROUND COUNTRY IN SOUND TRUCK; Hopes to Bring Pro-Torture Message to Every State
ANGRY CLEVELAND INDIANS FANS DEMAND TEAM TAKE STEROIDS; Threaten Boycott of ’Roid-free Squad
CNN WARNS SWINE FLU COULD CONTINUE THROUGH SWEEPS; Scary Reporting Spreads to MSNBC

10 Comments

  1. outlander
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 7:40 am | Permalink

    “OBAMA BUDGET” DIET SWEEPING THE NATION

    Popular feel good diet allows dieters to load up multiple plates with high calorie food, but dictates they remove the pickle from their plate. This mimicking of the Obama budget, gives dieters the illusion (and good feeling) of cutting back.

  2. Phantom
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    Cheney agrees to be waterboarded right after Hannity!

  3. Phantom
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 9:02 am | Permalink

    Cheney says U.S. less safe because we don’t torture!

  4. Monkeyhawk
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    From Andrew Sullivan –

    We appear to be nearing a happy ending in the case of Roxana Saberi, the American journalist detained by Iran and accused of being a spy. But ask yourself this hypothetical and distressing question.

    If Saberi had confessed on Iranian television that she was a spy, and if the CONs discovered that prior to this confession, she had been kept in solitary confinement in freezing temperatures, had been slammed against a wall twenty times in a row, and had then been shackled from the ceiling for days in such a way that the pain was excruciating, and had been blasted in her cell with extremely loud noises to keep her from sleeping for a week …

    … do you think CONs would think she had been “tortured”? Or would they adhere to their current practice and say she had been subject to “harsh interrogation?”

    If the leaders of Iran publicly stated that they had succeeded in proving that she was indeed a spy and her confession showed it, would Dick Cheney believe them? And would Bill O’Reilly proudly argue that the Saberi case proves that “harsh interrogation” “works?”

  5. Phantom
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 9:15 am | Permalink

    In defense of cons. If she’d confessed cons would be saying ‘guilty as charged’.

  6. Phantom
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 9:17 am | Permalink

    CHENEY EXPRESSES DISAPPOINTMENT THAT GWB WILL NOT DEFEND HIS PRESIDENCY.

  7. bth
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 10:34 am | Permalink

    MH -you left out waterboarding. After she ‘confessed’ would the CONs rail against the idea of releasing a confessed spy?

  8. brian_nuevo
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

    The Dick Cheney Republicans think that the end justifies the means. If she confessed, she is guilty, end of story. It would be proof that torture works.

    (at least as far as Dick Cheney Republicans think)

  9. credence
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    How do you know that the “enhanced interrogation” methods did not work? The President decided against releasing this information for a reason. Could it possibly be that he discovered contrary to all the rants and accusations that it is true these techniques did work?

  10. Rage
    Posted May 16, 2009 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

    OBAMA ENDORES ‘WATERBOARDING LiTE’

    Tortured detainees will have a military advocate present and be allowed snacks and bathroom breaks.