Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
STARBUCKS ELIMINATES COFFEE, CUPS, STIR-THINGIES; Latest Cost-cutting Measures
OBAMA SENDS BIDEN ON ‘SPECIAL MISSION’ TO ANTARCTICA; High-level Trip Could Last Four Years, President Hints
OBAMA POISED TO BECOME MOST ASS-KISSED PRESIDENT IN HISTORY; Suckage Reaching New Heights, Historians Say
BUSH REPEALS ENGLISH LANGUAGE; Last Official Act as President
OBAMA HOPES TO CALM AMERICANS WITH SERIES OF BORING SPEECHES; Economic Address Contains Opposite of Stimulus

6 Comments

  1. JWink
    Posted January 30, 2009 at 6:25 am | Permalink

    New plan for economic bailout: Congress authorizes individual states to apply directly to China for loans rather than dumping more debt to the 10 trillon dollar national debt of the U.S. Government. Plan hailed for futuristic thinking … lets individual states begin growing their own gigantic deficits and debts … without taking any responsibility.

  2. Regular
    Posted January 30, 2009 at 7:46 am | Permalink

    OBAMA HIRES LINCOLN-LIKE PORTRAIT ARTIST – President Obama allocated $100,000 for an oil canvas portrait to be conducted in a Lincoln style setting. When selecting the artist, Obama rejected the names of Ford, Booth and Davis.

  3. Regular
    Posted January 30, 2009 at 7:50 am | Permalink

    COWTOWN TURNED INTO A WORKING CREAMERY – In traditional style, Cowtown has been turned into a Creamery. Although not a full fledged dairy production facility, the new Creamery will produce enough cheese to ‘bind’ up the local school demand.

  4. Regular
    Posted January 30, 2009 at 7:55 am | Permalink

    HOUSING CRISIS GIVES BUILDER AN IDEA TO HELP OUT AND PROFIT AT THE SAME TIME – Jack Trehotts has started building compact housing, each 400-600 square feet in size. The units are energy efficient and have the latest in compact facilities and necessities. The owner has named the new subvision Trehott’s and a Cot.

  5. Regular
    Posted January 30, 2009 at 7:58 am | Permalink

    DEMOCRATS DEMONSTRATE NEW ERA OF PARTISANSHIP – House Minority leader only had to say, “I’m all for it as soon as Pelosi gets her foot off my throat.”

  6. JMWalker
    Posted January 30, 2009 at 8:08 am | Permalink

    WEBLOG POSTERS COME TOGETHER AND HASH OUT AN ECONOMIC RECOVERY PLAN TO SEND TO THE COUNTRIES LEADERS.

    LIKE THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN . . . NOT. THE END.