The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
MCCAIN SENDS BIDEN TO KEY SWING STATES; ‘Just Keep Talking,’ Says McCain
MCCAIN SAYS OBAMA’S ACTUAL FIRST NAME IS ‘THAT’; Raises Fresh Questions About Senator One
PALIN BLASTS OBAMA’S TIES TO WEATHER CHANNEL; ‘Palling Around With Meteorologists,’ Governor Claims
O.J. SEEKS BAILOUT; Juice: Incarceration Would Hurt Cable Networks’ Bottom Line
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SARAH PALIN’S MEDICAL RECORDS RELEASED. SURPRISE FINDING OF SEX CHANGE OPERATION MISTAKENLY INCLUDED. SEEMS SARAH USED TO BE SAM. MCCAIN, WHEN ASKED, HAD THIS TO SAY, “PRETTY HOT FOR A GUY, AIN’T SHE.”
Moose-Dresser Shops at Wal-Mart
Obama Flies to Hawaii to visit ill Grandmother Reports also indicate that Obama was on a mission to get the birth certificates that state he was born in Kenya, rather than Hawaii.
Senator Biden admits he cheated on an IQ examWhile still in school, Biden paid a young Republican member, Stanley Gertowitz, to sit in as his double on a Stanford-Binet IQ test, so he could better his chances getting into law school.
“Regular” –
And when Madelyn Dunham dies you can have even more laughs.
Eddie Murphy to play Michelle Obama on SNL Well known for his versatile, disguise oriented characters in movies and in his previous acting on Saturday Night Live, Eddie Murphy has agreed to play Michelle Obama on the show with promises of harsh lampooning and critical review.
Sarah Palin Preggers Again. Twins apparently conceived on campaign trail. Staffers start pool on who is named the father.
OBAMA ADMITS THROWING THE POOR PEOPLE OF CHICAGO UNDER THE BUSS Barack Hussein Obama who now lives in a two million dollar home, readily admits that the his work as a ‘community organizer’ was to use the poor simpletons as stepping stones on the way to power. Obama was quoted as saying, “I thank the poor people of Chicago for the opportunity and will ignore their future requests now that I’ve got “mine” (referring to his reward for sacrificing the poor at the hand of power.)
November 5th: Senator Obama concedes the election to President Elect John McCain In a brief statement, Obama spokeswoman, Ima Loser stated “We were counting our hatches before there were chickens and I suppose there is a great lesson to be learned here on humility and truthfulness.”
Obama has perfected time travel
Goes back in time to plant birth announcement in Honolulu newspaper.
REGULAR, A RIGHT-WING POSTER ON WEBLOG, HAS AGAIN BEEN REFUSED A BRAIN TRANSPLANT BY HIS INSURENCE COMPANY. IN A PRESS RELEASE, AN INSURENCE SPOKESPERSON, WHO WISHES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS, SAID, “YOU REALLY HAVE TO HAVE A BRAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE IN ORDER TO TRANSPLANT ONE, AND MR. REGULAR IS MISSING HIS, SO OBVIOUSLY HE FAILS TO QUALIFY.”
TMZ has raw footage of Obama snorting cocaine off of a hooker’s arse while Michelle gives speech to disabled children!
Satan decides to delay take over of Earth until Obama dies…Satan was quoted as saying, “That sum bitch scares the bejeezus out of me!!”
JMWalker fails elementary school level spelling test In a brief test when asked, JMWalker failed to spell “insurance” correctly. Asked why, JMWalker replied, “I don’t give a damn about spelling, if I did, I wouldn’t have named my son Bernice and my dog Ruff.”
JMWalker
Posted October 24, 2008 at 8:59 am | Permalink
REGULAR, A RIGHT-WING POSTER ON WEBLOG, HAS AGAIN BEEN REFUSED A BRAIN TRANSPLANT BY HIS INSURENCE COMPANY. IN A PRESS RELEASE, AN INSURENCE SPOKESPERSON, WHO WISHES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS, SAID, “YOU REALLY HAVE TO HAVE A BRAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE IN ORDER TO TRANSPLANT ONE, AND MR. REGULAR IS MISSING HIS, SO OBVIOUSLY HE FAILS TO QUALIFY.”
REPUBLICANS COMPLAIN ABOUT VOTER INTIMIDATION AND SUPPRESSION
Today the Ohio Republican Party released a statement condemning attempts to keep newly-registered voters from voting. In part, it reads “Some of these people may vote Republican, some may not. But the integrity of democracy has always been our concern, and obstruction and intimidation of the vote has no place in America.”
20 year old mccain campaign worker claims Acorn carved a B on her face with a verrrry dull knife!
Rudy calls first dibs on Palin’s old wardrobe!
Regular
Posted October 24, 2008 at 9:42 am | Permalink
JMWalker fails elementary school level spelling test In a brief test when asked, JMWalker failed to spell “insurance” correctly. Asked why, JMWalker replied, “I don’t give a damn about spelling, if I did, I wouldn’t have named my son Bernice and my dog Ruff.”
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REGULAR FAILS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PUNCTUATION. WHEN ASKED WHY HE LEFT OUT THE PERIOD AFTER THE WORD TEST, HE REPLIED, “PERIOD, I DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ PERIOD. BESIDES I JUST HAD ONE LAST WEEK!”
GRIEF COUNSELORS WILL ATTEND MCCAIN ‘VICTORY’ PARTY ELECTION NIGHT
McCain will skip it …
http://www.kansas.com/514/story/570914.html
REGULAR WAS AGAIN ASKED WHY HE FAILED TO PUT A COMMA AFTER THE SECOND WORD, TEST. HE REPLIED, “I GOT A COMMA FO’ YO MOMMA.”
Remedial training has been ordered for Regular by his night nurse, but she complained, saying, “I can’t even get him to change his own depends, how am I going to educate that white trash?”