Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

spoofsThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
MARKET TUMBLES ON NEWS THAT BUSH IS STILL PRESIDENT; White House Appearance ‘A Painful Reminder,’ Experts Say
HILLARY SAYS 8-YEAR-OLD BOSNIAN GIRL WAS ACTUALLY SNIPER; Bouquet of Flowers Hid Semiautomatic Weapon
NADER TELLS GRAVEL TO GET OUT OF RACE; Making a Fool of Himself, Ralph Warns
HILLARY VOWS TO STAY IN RACE 100 YEARS; Nixes Exit Strategy
BUSH TO PHASE OUT ENVIRONMENT BY 2009; Declares War on Prairie Dogs
HILLARY SAYS SHE ‘MISSPOKE’ ABOUT WRESTLING BIN LADEN; Was Greeting Students in Orlando, Clinton Admits

5 Comments

  1. J M Walker
    Posted April 7, 2008 at 7:24 am | Permalink

    AFTER WEBLOG REGISTRATION PROCESS IMPLEMENTED, WICHITA EAGLE SURPRISED TO FIND THERE ACTUALLY IS ONLY ONE BLOGGER. Single blogger states he is fourteen years old, and lives in Arizona with his mom.

    In a related story, Wichita Eagle hires fourteen year old as new political columnist. Says fourteen year old, “Boy, is my mom proud of me.”

  2. J M Walker
    Posted April 7, 2008 at 8:31 am | Permalink

    IN A SURPRISE MOVE, HILLARY AND BILL FILE FOR DIVORCE. In a canned statement, Hillary says, “I have fallen in love with Sen. McCain. He bought me a new red dress and said I have the loveliest thighs he ever saw. I feel like a new woman.

    Said Bertha, the new woman, “This could be fun! I’ve never had a Republican before!”

  3. Steven Davis
    Posted April 7, 2008 at 9:36 am | Permalink

    Rewgular:

    “I have a lot of moderate Democratic Party issues I agree with and some moderate Republican issues I agree with. A slight bent towards a far right winger, only when it comes to Defense and some fiscal issues, but that’s my background – so is expected.”

    This just in….

    BLOGGER, REGULAR, ENDORSES ISSUES SPPORTED BY THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY: Editorial board notes – ‘Up is now down, night is day, and the space/time continuum that was recognized by most, no longer exists.’

  4. Steven Davis
    Posted April 7, 2008 at 9:36 am | Permalink

    Rewgular = Regular

  5. Rage
    Posted April 7, 2008 at 5:48 pm | Permalink

    Single blogger states he is fourteen years old, and lives in Arizona with his mom.

    Crap. Now Mom will suspend my Internet privileges.