Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

spoofslogo.jpgThe following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
OBAMA CONVERTS TO JUDAISM; Bold Attempt to Settle Religion Issue
LEWINSKY RELEASES WHITE HOUSE SCHEDULE; Heavily Redacted Document Raises Questions
FERRARO: I WISH I WERE A BLACK MAN; Racist Comments Wouldn’t Be Racist, Former Congresswoman Claims
SPITZER RESIGNS FROM EMPERORS VIP CLUB; Client No. 10 to Succeed New York Guv
BUSH REVEALS TAP WATER AS PRESCRIPTION DRUG PLAN; Hopes Doped Water Will Be His Legacy, President Says

17 Comments

  1. Pepper
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 6:07 am | Permalink

    WEBLOG POSTERS ‘BRAWLMANIA’ TO BE 1ST EVENT AT DOWNTOWN ARENA!

  2. P Herroni
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 6:35 am | Permalink

    Chas ordained by Pope.

  3. P Herroni
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 6:45 am | Permalink

    After reading Chas’ posts on the WE Blog, Pope kicks Chas’ ass out of the Church.

  4. Say What?
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 7:17 am | Permalink

    KANSAS KICKED OUT OF UNITED STATES – INSTALLING A FENCE AROUND STATE UNTIL IT CATCHES UP WITH THE REST OF U.S.

  5. Rage
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    Some interesting comments from Chris Hedges on the war, the man who wrote War is a force that gives us meaning and <I? The Republican war on science .

    I offer this snippet not to sabotage the Dem candidates (Hedges is rightfully contemptuous of McCain’s position, BTW), but rather to (hopefully) influence the debate among Dems in a positive direction.

    From the article:
    Examine the proposals on Iraq offered by Clinton and Obama. They talk about withdrawing some troops, but they also talk about leaving behind forces to protect U.S. bases in Iraq, assigning troops to train the Iraqi army and continuing the fight against “terrorism.” Clinton and Obama do not throw out numbers, but a rough estimate would be 40,000 or 50,000 troops permanently stationed in Iraq. Obama, his advisers say, will also not rule out continuing to use private security companies like Blackwater Worldwide in Iraq. The war would not end under a Democratic administration. It would drag on until the mission collapsed and the U.S. retreated in humiliation. And when pressed, the Democratic candidates have admitted as much. Tim Russert in the New Hampshire debate asked the Democratic candidates to guarantee that all U.S. troops in Iraq would be home by 2013. No one, including John Edwards, was prepared to make such a commitment. Dennis Kucinich, the only Democratic candidate who opposed a continuation of the war, had been excluded from the debate. When the question was asked he was standing outside the hall in the snow with supporters to protest his exclusion.

    But the lust for militarism by Clinton and Obama does not end with Iraq. The two remaining Democratic candidates back the occupation of Afghanistan. They defend Israel’s indiscriminate bombing of Lebanon, which killed hundreds of Lebanese, destroyed huge parts of Lebanon’s infrastructure and left U.S.-manufactured cluster bombs littered over southern Lebanon. Clinton and Obama praise the right-wing government in Jerusalem and callously blame the Palestinian victims for the suffering inflicted on them by Israel. They support, in open defiance of international law, the 40-year Israeli occupation of Palestinian land and the draconian siege of Gaza, dismissing the grim humanitarian crisis it has unleashed on the 1.5 million Palestinians trapped in the world’s largest open-air prison.

    http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20080323_a_conscientious_objection/

  6. Rage
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    Whoops, that was for open thread—my bad!

  7. J M Walker
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 11:00 am | Permalink

    WEBLOGGER NATHAN REVEALED TO BE OVER 8000 YEARS OLD. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE FACT HUMANS ARE ONLY 6000 YEARS OLD, NATHAN REPLIED, “I WAS TARGET PRACTICING OUT IN THE SPIRAL GALAXY. MISSED THE BLACK HOLE EXPRESS, OR I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST MAN.”

    HANK, NATHANS DAD, SAID, “THAT’S MY SON, ALWAYS FOOLING AROUND.”

  8. J M Walker
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 11:07 am | Permalink

    WEBLOGGER REGULAR ARRESTED FOR ROBBING THE BANK OF YODER. SAID POLICE, “THAT WAS ONE SMART COOKIE. HE WROTE THE HOLD UP NOTE ON ONE OF HIS CHECK STUBS.”

    WHEN ASKED ABOUT THAT, REGULAR REPLIED, “BUT THEY ARE COOL NEW CHECKS; THE HAVE PICTURES OF THE TELETUBBIES ON THEM!”

  9. Kansas
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

    REGULAR GETS JOB, NO LONGER A WARD OF THE STATE

    In a surpirising turn of events, blogger Regular finally decided to work for a living and stop receiving his monthly government handout.

  10. Kansas
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    WSU TASK FORCE FINDS DEMOCRATS NO MORE LIKELY TO RECEIVE WELFARE THAN REPUBLICANS

    The task force reached this conclusion when subsidies, tax breaks, abatements, etc. were figured into the equation. Not too surprising was the fact that Republicans outnumber Democrats 5 to 1 when it comes to feeding at the public trough.

  11. Kansas
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 1:03 pm | Permalink

    MAX REPLACES BROWNLEE AS WEBLOG MONITOR

    Max promises a “fair and balanced” blog just like he always maintains in his blogging activities. He also promises to send every blogger a picture of Jesus holding a baby dinosaur (from his favorite reference tabloid).

  12. Kansas
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    KANSASFARMGIRL ELECTED GOVERNOR OF KANSAS

    After WeBlogger STEVEN WEST III was able to recall Governor Sebelius for being too short and decreasing the ’stature’ of KS, KFG won in a surge of rural write-in votes.

  13. Kansas
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 1:16 pm | Permalink

    COSMOS RECEIVES HONORARY DOCTORATE FROM MIT

    “He endured more scientific illiteracy than any man should!”

  14. Kansas
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    BLOGGER TOM RETURNS FROM THE HIMALAYAS ENLIGHTENED, BLISSED OUT, READY TO RUN FOR TODD TIHARTS HOUSE SEAT

    “Tankerless Todd doesn’t have a clue and will be easy to beat.”

  15. Jed
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 5:50 pm | Permalink

    “Say What?
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 7:17 am | Permalink
    KANSAS KICKED OUT OF UNITED STATES – INSTALLING A FENCE AROUND STATE UNTIL IT CATCHES UP WITH THE REST OF U.S.”

    Kansas doesn’t need to build a fence- all the surrounding states will gladly build it!

  16. gster
    Posted March 26, 2008 at 11:45 am | Permalink

    PREZ BUSH ANNOUNCES NEW FINANCIAL PLAN!!!

    “Yup, I went and sold Louisiana to Jamaica!! It was going to cost too mush to fix’er up and then I’d have to raise the rents. I figgered out a better ideer.” , added the Prez.

    Jamaica announces plans for the world’s biggest ganja plantation, to be located at a now secret location in the Northern Hemisphere!! Details to follow…. AP Release

  17. gster
    Posted March 27, 2008 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

    PREZ BUSH SELL THE DEPT. OF EDUCATION TO THE CHINESE GOV!!!!!!!

    “Yup, I didder. If the Chinese can teach their kids Chinese, they’re better teachers than we are. Hell, I know I couldn’t teach my kids Chinese, whether Mandarin, or that other one, ummm , oh yeah, Naval Chinese. I’m finally puttin’ my Harvard MSNBC degree to good use” added the Prez.

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