The following satirical news story comes from borowitzreport.com:
Furious about what they see as negative media stereotypes about waterboarding, a group representing the nation’s waterboarders marched on Washington today.
“When senators use the words ‘controlled drowning,’ people ignore the ‘controlled’ part and focus on the ‘drowning’ part,†said Carol Foyler, executive director of the waterboarders’ group. “As someone who spent years of training to become a licensed waterboarder, I’m deeply offended by this.â€
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
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18 Comments
The waterboarders shoud not be forgotten! They should be awarded a lucrative ongoing contract to wasterboard every government official, elected or appointed, who denies that waterboarding constitutes torture.When they’ve finished with them, they can start on the voters who approve of using the technique.Of course, since fulfilling this contract is going to take a lot of water, they should also be awarded contracts to develop cost-effective water recycling technology, which aside from its current use might also prove vital to surviving global warming.That should allow competant waterboarders adequate employment opportunities and job security for years to come!
What’s the problem with waterboarding? I’ve always thought it would be fun, ever since I saw “Gidget.” Those young kids, getting on their waterboards, and “hanging ten!” Didn’t anybody ever hear about “Surf City”?
(”no, Emily, this is about torture.”)Oh, Never Mind!
Waterboarding should be used on kids, politicians, illegal aliens, and bloggers who post the same thing multiple times on different threads:-)
Agreed!
Editors, can you please water board that spammer?
Ah, water boarding. Whether you’re the Spanish Inquisition rooting out nonbelievers, the Japanese Empire tearing across the South Pacific, water boarding is the way to go!
And our new attorney general promised that if water boarding ever did become illegal, he would respect that law.
In related news, officers of the Japanese Empire and Nazi concentration camp interrogators had their criminal convictions overturned due to the fact that we can no longer say if water boarding is illegal or not.
Waterboard is torture. Torture does not end in death. Torture is about inflicting pain. The process of drowning someone is torture. I beg, BEG, Bush & Cheney to get waterboarded.
Yes, I hate terrorists. I think waterboarding weakens America.
I think to prove the acceptability of waterboarding, George Bush should offer that First Lady Laura Bush be subjected to waterboarding in front of a joint session of Congress.
If waterboarding is no big deal, does no real harm, and is not torture, there should be no problem with that, right?
Is water boarding acceptable for fraternity hazing now? Can our police use it to interrogate murder suspects? Can we use it on suspected serial killers?
Republican slogan “Waterboarding, not just for witches anymore”.
What no breaking on a rack or hot irons?
Don’t be silly Tom Paine. Those leave marks, therefore are illegal forms of torture.
Sincerely,D. Cheney
“Is water boarding acceptable for fraternity hazing now?
Posted by: The Phantom | November 08, 2007 at 11:51 AM ”
I think they refer to it as ‘beer boarding’
Amerika needs Tort Reform, not Torture Reform, Dumbass Democrat party anyway!
We need REAL torture. Make them watch the presidential “debates”! (BOTH parties for the real hard core)
http://current.com/items/76347282_getting_waterboarded
Yeah this looks fun- and funny to laugh about.
I wonder if the credibility of the torturee, increases in proportion to the amount of their endurance?
We Dems can’t stand the thought of making a terrorist uncomfortable. It’s,.. it’s.. yucky.
But we celebrate our freedom to abort millions of unborn.
Dummy, I’m more than willing to come waterboard you.
We are relieved in the fact that women have reproductive freedom in the USA, yes. Without it, women die, and are subjugated. Cultures without the right to reproductive choice have the lowest respect for women’s lives.We are merely incubators for their cherished boys.