The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
BUSH VETOES CANDY FOR BABIES; Move Takes Candy From 4 Million Babies
IN A SIGN OF CONFIDENCE, CLINTON AIRS VICIOUS ATTACK ADS ABOUT HERSELF; Bid to Pre-empt Rivals, Aides Say
ROCKET SCIENTIST NOT AS SMART AS ORIGINALLY THOUGHT; New Findings in Study Commissioned by Brain Surgeons
AHMADINEJAD INVITES U.N. INSPECTORS TO SEARCH FOR HOMOSEXUALS; Permits Use of Advanced Gaydar
NEW CBS REALITY SHOW SENDS KIDS TO GUANTANAMO; Network Set to Launch ‘Kid Detention’
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
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25 Comments
MEDIA MATTERS ADMITS TO ATTACKING LIMBAUGH BECAUSE IT WAS THE MEAN THING TO DO
FREEDOM LAXATIVE COMPANY RENAMES PRODUCT MOVEON DOT MORE
DAN RATHER GETS APOLOGY LETTER FROM CBS AND SEVEN DOLLARS - Executives state it was a fair settlement considering his current market value
OBAMA ADMITS TO HAVING STARS AND STRIPES TOLIET SEAT
SALES OF HALO3 BOOSTS BILL GATES FORTUNE ABOVE THE 101 BILLION DOLLAR MARK
DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING SERVICES CHANGES NAME OF HOMELESS TO ZERO RESIDENCE INDIVIDUALS (ZRI’s)
NEW INTERN KRISTIN MELDER INHERITS EAGLE’s SQUEAKY WHEEL CHAIR AND ROCKING DESK
WOOFSTOCK CONSIDERED GREAT SUCCESS - The “poop” patrol said that there were a lot of high fat diet attendees this year as the task of removal required much more use of a hose than previous years…and that did not include the canine attendees.
LATEST ZOGBY POLL STATES THAT POLLS ARE ONLY TWENTY PERCENT ACCURATE
RANDY SCHOLFIELD HEADS TO VEGAS TO LAUNCH NEW CAREER - With sequined jumpsuit in hand, Scholfield on his way to the airport said only, “Oh, Thank you very much.”
TEXTING BANNED IN EAGLE EDITORIAL OFFICE - The managing Editor was quoted as saying, “IDC -AFAIK AAMOI that we always TCB AND TTYL IGP.
My confessions of all my identities.
What is wrong with me and why it’s your fault.
Hoo hoo! Why I am coo coo for coacoa puffs.
JR AND ECON101 IN TOTAL AGREEMENT!Rapture predicted to come tomorrow….
ED ELECTED NOW LEADER OF ISRAELHis first official act to take everyone toys away and send them to their rooms. And to forbid them from playing in American politics for a year.
WRITERDOG GET FIRST BOOK PUBLISHED!The new sex guild for WE Bloggers, no physical contact just a lot of cases of PMS!
KRISTIN THE NEW INTERN IS WELCOMED TO THE WE BLOG!’G.D. useless, Rightwing, leftist, liberal, Conservative winy baby…..”
“The new sex guild”
Heheheheh writerdog. I LOVE guilded sex…..
My confessions of all my identities.
What is wrong with me and why it’s your fault.
Hoo hoo! Why I am coo coo for coacoa puffs.
Posted by: Kansas | October 07, 2007 at 03:07 AM
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That might be the best one yet… a True Confessions post even!!
I love it, made me laugh again!
Sen Larry “Bathroom Break” Craig inducted into Idaho Hall of Fame
Oops, that one’s real: http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2007-10-07-craig-hall-of-fame_N.htm
Repukes, no shame and no brains.
Bush says “Mission Accomplished” still Accomplished
Glass half-full: Bill of Rights Articles Two, Three, Nine and Ten Not Rescended by Bush Administration
“No troops will be quartered in citizen’s homes,” Bush pledges.
Kansas published - If I Did It, This Is How I Would Have Trolled.
Chas published - If I Was A Christian Minister, This Is How I Would Save The World.
JR published - This Is How I Will Save The World.
Confessions of the Church Lady - published by Chas. (#1 on best seller list for readers of Witches & Warlocks)
MEDIA MATTERS ACCUSES TIGGER OF HATING MILITARY
A Media Matter representative states that the children’s icon was taped in Christopher Robbin’s bedroom referring to our military as “toy soldiers”.
Tigger, and Winnie the Pooh testified in support of Tiger’s insistence that he was, in fact, referring to the actual plastic toy soldiers in Christopher Robbins’ room.
Democrat senators promised a quick condemnation vote.
RUSH LIMBAUGH CONFESSES TO BEING MOVEON DOT ORG!“ I just had some many stupid things to say, being a Neocon mouth piece was not providing enough work for me!”.
Thanks, dog, that was great…
INVESTIGATION BY WICHITA EAGLE FINALLY PROVES ONLY ONE BLOGGER INVOLVED WITH WEBLOG.
KANSAS, IN A SHOW OF DISBELIEF, STATES HE THOUGHT ALL “THOSE PEOPLE BEHIND ME” WERE HIS CELL PHONE SUPPORT TEAM. WHEN INFORMED HE HAS NO CELL PHONE, KANSAS REPLIES, “OH.”
JR Saves the World!
Cosmos Confesses Global Warming Does Not Exist -
Will No Longer Post the Same Global Warming Stories Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over…
Capn Gets Dishonorable Discharge -Doctor Claims Anti-biotic Will Cure His Problem
Chas Becomes Pope, Church Lady I
Jesus and Farmgirl Both Weep at Ceremony
Chas Declared 12th Imam
Muslims and Christians Unite Under Anti-Christ
Pope/Imam Church Lady I, Declares Marriage Is Between a Man and a Man, or a Woman and a Woman. Man and Woman Shall Marry No More.
Abortions Also Approved As Sacrament.
News net daily, ABC news, Dr, Welby, From the Vatican = JM
POPUP! GETS TIRED OF BEING WRONG AND RETIRES TO SHELL PEANUTS AND DRINK RC COLA
Poopup, what is your proof?
You have no evidence, yet you continue to attack Kansas.