The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
NBC LAUNCHES ‘TO CATCH A SENATOR’; Chris Hansen to Stake Out Airport Bathrooms
GONZALES TO SPEND MORE TIME EAVESDROPPING ON HIS FAMILY; ‘Domestic Surveillance Begins at Home,’ Former AG Says
ROVE’S LEGACY TAINTED BY STEROIDS; ‘Bush’s Brain’ Was Juicing, Experts Say
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
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“BATHROOMING WITH THE SENATORS” SERIES TO START SEPT 15 ON THE FOX NETWORK AT 9:00 PM. CONTESTENT SENATORS NAMES TO BE RELEASED AS SOON AS THEY ARE RELEASED.
NEW MILITARY RAY GUN BOUGHT OUT BY WARNER THEATER GROUP. SAY’S CEO DAFFY DUCK, “WOO-HOO . . . INSTANT POPCORN.”
“NBC LAUNCHES ‘TO CATCH A SENATOR’; Chris Hansen to Stake Out Airport Bathrooms”
LMFAO
GREAT one Phillip !!!!
MASSIVE OIL FIELD DISCOVERED IN WESTERN NEBRASKA.
America will now be energy independent.
Surprisingly, environmentalists groups have not protested the massive drilling in Nebraska.
The Sierra Club spokesperson Polly Purebread said, “There’s nothing else in Nebraska anyway. And oil rigs will give you something to look at, if you ever HALF to travel thru Nebraska”.
Polly isn’t very smart – HAVE.
BORDER SOLUTION PLAN A SUCCESS!
The United States has contracted with Home Depot, Walmart and KMart to erect fortress cities along the Mexican borders.
Not only will the stores keep the Mexicans entertained, they can go into any of the staging areas provided and wait out their new job assignment.
KANSAS LEGISLATURE PASSES COAL TAX
(Topeka) Today Legislators introduced a bill that will charge a pollutant tax for every kilowatt of energy exported out of the State of Kansas. Examples would be $0.015 for Nuclear Exported Power and 4.020 cents per kilowatt/hour for coal producing plants.
Holcomb Coal plant representative’s comment could not be published in the Eagle due to expletives.
GONZO FILES DEFAMATION CHARACTER SUIT AS PRIVATE CITIZEN
Alberto Gonzales, former Justice Department head filed a thirty million dollar law suit against Senator Leahy and Senator Schumer in Texas District Courts today. The suit names Leahy and Schumer for continued defaming of his character for unproven charges.
COWTOWN HIRES MUPPET STYLE SHOW
The amateur show includes CF2K dressed in a spotted hog costume and Steven Davis in a “sheeple” costume.
The Director of Cowtown said the show will be used to educate children on how hogs were slaughtered for food and sheep were shaved for their wool.
When asked about the concerns of sensitivity to the children, the Director exclaimed, “By the time the children finish viewing the show and having listened to all the annoying bleating and squeals, they’ll want to do it themselves!”
walk on by…
SEDGWICK COUNTY INSTALLS “SHOE GUARDS” ON WALLS OF BATHROOM STALLS
SEDGWICK COUNTY BUYS LAND TO STORE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF ORANGE CONES AFTER COMPLETION OF ROAD CONSTRUCTION
SCHOOL BOARD DIRECTOR RESIGNS AFTER MENTIONING THE WORD “UNION” TWICE IN ONE SENTENCE
NEW ANIMAL SHELTER TO INCLUDE AIR CONDITIONING AND “DOGGIE” SPAS
ARENA TAX ILLEGALLY DIRECTED TOWARDS CASINO PROMOTION INVESTIGATION REVEALS
WILD WEST WORLD CONVERTED TO ADULT THEME PARK – LARGEST IN THE WORLD TO HOUSE VIDEO, SEX TOYS AND BOOKS SHOPS
SPIRIT AEROSYSTEMS SUED BY CHURCH GROUP FOR NAME STEALING
BUCKY WALTERS RELEASES NEW VIDEO – “REVEREND HILLARY CLINTON AND THE DONATORS”
WICHITA INSTALLS CAMERAS AT VARIOUS STOP SIGNS TO CATCH VIOLATORS
NEW COWTOWN MUSEUM BUILDING ADDS ORIGINALS AND REPLICAS OF OLD WICHITA – BOB KNIGHT NOT FOND OF WAX STATUE IN HIS LIKENESS
TILLER’S ABORTION CLINIC INFESTED WITH RATS – KLINE COMMENTS “WE ALREADY KNEW THAT.”
COLLAR CAMERAS REVEAL SURVEILLANCE BUG – COPS DID NOT APPRECIATE THE 24/7 CAMERA ON LATRINE BREAKS – POLICE CHIEF “LAUGHS AND SAID NO BIG THING”
REPUBLICAN LACKY BLOGGER KANSAS REVEALED AS MEGA-TROLL, A NEWLY DISCOVERED SPECIES OF INORGANIC PRIMATE.
KANSAS, WHEN ASKED WHAT IT ALL MEANT, THREW A BANANA AT THE INTERVIEWER, AND POINTED AT A SHRINE OF BUSH HE’D ERECTED IN A SHALLOW DITCH NEXT TO THE TREE HE LIVES IN.
Posted by Phillip BrownleeAugust 31, 2007
All your posts revolve around conservatives? Does your newspaper not if pretend to report both sides of the news anymore?
Oh nevermind, this isn’t N.E.W.S..
It’s what your paper publishes.
Posted by Phillip BrownleeAugust 31, 2007
All your posts revolve around conservatives? Does your newspaper not even pretend to report both sides of the news anymore?
Oh nevermind, this isn’t N.E.W.S..
It’s what your paper publishes.
Psst. Does anyone know where I can find a newspaper?
PRESIDENT’S CRAWFORD RANCH REPOSSESSED!!!!
(President Off mike comment) ” What the hell is a sub-prime lender?? Variable rate what?? I’d have to be an MBA to understand this crap!! Where’s my lawyer?? Get Al Gonzales!! Al! Hey Al! Don’t even tell me your’e back up the hill ‘tesfyin’ to Congress again!! Oh man, I’ve got to hide, Laura’s going to kill me!”
Conservative news is responsible news Sandy. Not the tin-foil hat, conspiracy of the day news.
Besides, the Eagle is selling a newspaper not the National Enquirer.
Besides, the Eagle is selling a newspaper not the National Enquirer.
Posted by: Kansas |
You jest?
New 2008 Republican Convention Theme Song Selected; “Smokin’ in the Boy’s Room.”