Registered?
Commenting on WE Blog now requires you to be a Kansas.com member. Use the links above to register, if you haven't already, or to log in.Contact us
Follow us
Daily Archives
-
Recent Comments
- donndublin on Open thread 11/24
- Regular on Open thread 11/24
- donndublin on Open thread 11/24
- Boxlock20 on Open thread 11/24
- SolDevVB on Open thread 11/24
- Phantom on Open thread 11/24
- sursum on Open thread 11/24
- SolDevVB on Open thread 11/24
- donndublin on Open thread 11/24
- DavidB on Open thread 11/24
Open thread
- By Phillip Brownlee
- Posted June 2, 2007 at 1:05 a.m.
- Filed under Open thread
- Permalink
- Comments RSS
- Both comments and trackbacks are closed
32 Comments
Everybody sleeping in this morning?
Hi Mary– Sorry to hear about your mother. I know it has been a long haul for you and yours. Your Mom was lucky to have you for a daughter, and we are lucky to have you as a friend. Thinking of you.
I’d send potato salad if my taters hadnt gotten hailed out :(
Good morning, Mary.Please accept my sincere sympathy in regards to your mom. She’ll be in my prayers.
Thanks frmgrl…there is some relief knowing that she’s not suffering anymore. She lived a long full life and was surrounded by her loved ones and at peace when she passed…a good way to go.Ummm….Hope I can get some of your tater salad again someday..sorry about the hail.
Thanks…if you guys ever have to plan a funeral…I can give you all sorts of ideas about how to save money…I saved over $4,000 on my mom’s funeral just by keeping my head, shopping around, and knowing what the options are…we had a beautiful funeral for her. The industry really takes advantage of the fact that grieving loved ones are easy targets.
My condolences Mary. :(
It’s tough losing a Mom. I hope and wish you the best in the future.
Republican, you’ve got a big heart. too bad some of the other posters don’t take a page out of your book. You could teach them some things about decency, honesty, and integrity. As an obvious leader of the Conservatives on these pages, you really set the example.
I am sorry Mary.
I will pray for your family during this time of loss.
If you ever need anything you know my Parents and I will help.
Mary – having lost my mother a few years ago I think I can empathize. Just rest assured in your heart that she lived a full life and that in her final days she had your love and support.
And then take kfg’s tater salad later! ;^)
Mary –Sorry to hear about the lost of your mother, you mention saving money on funeral cost, so what are the options?I have read up somewhere that you can save by building your own casket.
The FDA is recommending we throw away any toothpaste made in China. Apparently it contains a poison that’s used in antifreeze. With all the toxins and poisons China is sending us isn’t it about time our government does something other than encouraging more of this filth from entering our nation? We can’t get American made drugs from Canada because of unfounded dangers, but proven dangers from China come with no restrictions.
Mission Accomplished.
blank posts
“[Republican] could teach them some things about decency, honesty, and integrity. As an obvious leader of the Conservatives on these pages, you really set the example.”
He sure does. Here’s Republican, aka “blank”, aka the STOLEN nic of J M Walker.http://blogs.kansas.com/weblog/2007/05/open_thread_28.html#comment-71041282
Walk on by….
Only a dirtbag like Cosmos would take this time while I give condolences to Mary to take a cheap shot.
And he is a colossal dirtbag.
“yes, I did that Cosmos,
…hangs head in shame and snickers.
:D”
This solution won’t work for everyone, I realize. But it was exactly what my Dad wanted:
He was a small-town doctor. He wanted his remains donated to the University of Kansas School of Medicine. He said (he was wrong, but he said it) “All I am or have ever become, I owe to the KU Med School.” His final gift was to that school and the students who were studying to follow in his footsteps.
The mortician’s fee for transporting to body to Kansas City and for working out the details of the memorial service were covered by the standard Social Security death benefit.
Now, I understand the “Ewww” factor among some people, thinking that a loved one’s body might become a nameless cadaver with a bunch of smart-ass medical students cutting and hacking on it. If you’ve ever talked to med students, you’d have learned that’s not what happens. It’s an important…essential, even…part of their education. They take it seriously and with respect.
About two years after Dad died, we received a small package from KU Med which contained his ashes. My Mom’s still living, but she’s made arrangements to donate her remains to the medical school, too. Her instructions are for us to scatter her ashes with Dad’s when the time comes.
I have a very good friend who is a mortician. We’ve talked about his profession many times. He admits it’s a bit absurd. As with many (if not most) funeral directors, he was born into the business. He grew up with playmates doing all the “oooga-boooga” taunts of small-minded people who fear death and the dead.
He says most of his “grief consultations” are spent trying to tell people they don’t really need a $10,000 casket. But many of his customers demand such tributes. “What’re ya gonna do?” he says.
Whether it’s due to guilt or pride or some desire to “out-do the Jones’s funeral,” an incredible number of people lose all financial sense when faced with a death in the family. My friend says he’s directed funerals for people he knew full well they could not afford, and yet he has never had to sue anyone for non-payment. The poorest-of-the-poor who have purchased lavish-beyond-their-means funerals have always come up with a way to pay. “Go figure,” he says.
I’m certain my friend’s profession has attracted money-hungry con men who prey on survivors; but given his perspective of how so many people irrationally deal with the inevitablity of death, it’s hardly a surprise.
His advice: Talk funeral issues over with your family. Mentioning the subject doesn’t betray a death wish for Aunt Harriet, it’s simply a fact of life. Get to know morticians (they hate that term, but use it anyway). That way, you’re not dealing with them only “at a time of weakness.” They are providers of a service, a necessary service. And they know far more about the costs and options available.
They (perhaps far more than you) realize your loved one was simply contained in the body they (we) will leave behind. If you have a lot of latent Ancient Egyptian in your being, and you worship the carcass, morticians will tend to your requests. If you want a Mafia funeral, the mortician will order the flowers. If you need a granite monument above your perfectly-preserved remains, so be it.
If, as my Dad thought, you realize that there’s a way to give back to the living even after you are dead, no mortician in the world will direct you to the showroom. (Well, a few might. There are plenty of stories of creepy morticians, I guess. But maybe they got that way because of all the irrational people they have to deal with in their business.)
I really believe the reason car salesmen come off as sleazy is that we only come in contact with them when we want or need a new car. We’re on their home turf and they know all the ins and outs. Same with morticians. But ya know something? They are people, too; pluggers makin’ a living and doing a job not a lot of us want to do.
Mary, I undertand your loss. And what I’ve written is in no way intended to demean or disparage what you’ve been put through. My condolances.
But even as I write I feel the spirt of my Dad over my shoulder. That’s what matters, not the packet of ashes sitting on a shelf in my Mom’s closet. As long as you remember and love and even cry sometimes about your Mother, she lives. The body that she lived in is gone. The body that brought you into the world is gone. The body that caused he so much pain toward the end is over. But she’s alive in your thoughts and your memories and in all she gave you when she lived.
Cherish those gifts. Treasure all she gave you and keep them alive as long as you are alive. And when, as it will for all of us, the body fails, you’ll keep on living in the minds and souls of all you’ve touched.
Some more details…’FDA Advises Consumers to Avoid Toothpaste From China Containing Harmful Chemical’http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/NEWS/2007/NEW01646.html
“Only a dirtbag like Cosmos would take this time….”Yeah, all the time carrying on about greenhouse gasses and global warning. You’d think that was the most important thing on the whole planet.What’s wrong with warmer winters?
Isn’t that cute! Republank has his very own mini-me, following him around. First he “compliments” Republank for being such a wonderful human being and the leader of the conservatives, and now parroting his words and attacking Cosmos.
Jeez, isn’t that sweet!!!!
Gosh, I wonder who the new “blank” is?
Anyone have a guess?
We can safely assume that “blank” is not an Inuit.
An infrequent opportunity to post…
I am sorry for your loss Mary.
As I recall, it was just a year or so ago that you had to find a nursing home for your mom. Consider it a blessing of sorts that she was not forced to live that existence for the years on years that some poor folks do.
Unable to post very often, I am not aware if there have been any meetups or if any are being discussed.
“Unable to post very often, I am not aware if there have been any meetups”
Not here, J R, but on Wichita Voice… check it out…..
Mary,
I meant to send you an email when I heard the news about your mom, but this will have to suffice instead. I’ve been bogged down in work.
Hugs to you and your family and heartfelt sympathy for your loss. LTPFTL said it best. Our memories and those we leave behind last forever.
LTPFTL,
Many thanks for posting the info above on funeral costs. I decided long ago to go the route of cremation (cheaper & tons of other reasons), but your dad’s generosity gives me pause to think.
Thanks all..my mom was a real character who would have loved the funeral we held for her.First of all, I was told by the mortuary that we had to purchase a vault to hold the casket and that it would cost $1,000. I called the cemetery and they said, yes..we needed to buy a vault but we could buy it from them for $350.You can shop the discount casket store over on west Central and pay a lot less, and the funeral home has to use it. We didn’t do that because they didn’t have one I wanted to put mom in. The cheapest casket they had was a fabric covered one for $250..and they had the exact same casket at the mortuary for $750.Next, get the funeral homes to compete against each other..if they know you’re shopping around, they’ll beat each other’s price..it’s a very competitive business. That alone saved me thousands.Also, order the flowers from the flower shop instead of through the mortuary.
My mom was a very frugal woman who often went to “Willie’s” (Good Will) to buy her clothes. When she died, my daughter and I went to Von Maur and bought her a beautiful and expensive neglegee, a silk slip, satin underwear and slippers, and lots of “bling” to be buried in… she looked great…although she would have killed us if she knew how much we spent! We just wanted her to go out in style..and she did.
Good for you, Mary! You did your Mom right and she would be proud of you. I am sure that she is watching over you right now – and she will let you have it for over spending when you are reunited.
And a little bling never hurt anybody!
Good for you, Mary, we wish you and yours all the best.
Good for you Mary. I lost my mother at the Haysville Nursing Home about three years ago now. I was there with her as she took her last breath. Our mothers sounded a little alike. Best wishes. JW
Mary, losing a parent is one of the hardest things. I am fortunate that I haven’t had that to experience yet. But I’m so glad she’s no longer suffering. She must have been a wonderful woman to raise such a well-rounded daughter.
My whole family have plans for cremation, except my two dads…they both wish to be buried.
Thank you for the tips on that though- they’re all not too far off from there as it is.
I am glad your mom is finally at peace Mary. As Pmom said and I said at my dad’s funeral: ” he spent my life trying to be the best example he could to me of what a man is. If you find me to be a good man, thank my dad.”.She is not gone, she lives on in you and those that will remember her.
Good for you Mary. My mother also wanted a simply burial. She used to tell us we should throw a wild party to celebrate her life; not mourn her death. The night after the funeral we (her 5 children) went through her personal things (pictures, etc) and remembered what they meant to us all. Things then went where “they belonged”; for example a leaf from the rain forest to me (the environmentalist) etc. There was not a single disagreement among us; we all took home our memories. (The bottle of wine was poured for ourselves for one last toast)
We should celebrate and remember life; not dwell on death. And, she will live on in all of us. Mary, I am sure your mother lives on in your heart.
My sincere condolences, Mary. I buried my mom 2 years ago. It’s never easy, and the pain stays for a long time. They are both in a better place now.