The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
GOP HOPEFULS CLASH OVER WHO IS THE WHITEST; Court Elusive White Male Voter in Televised Face-off
GIULIANI CHALLENGES HIMSELF TO DEBATE; Hopes to Clarify Position on Abortion
WOLFOWITZ’S GIRLFRIEND RESIGNS AS WOLFOWITZ’S GIRLFRIEND; Relinquishes Girlfriend Post ‘Effective Immediately’
FRANCE FAILS TO ELECT HOTTEST PRESIDENT EVER; Millions of Frenchmen Furious
WHITE HOUSE SEEKS LYING CZAR; Would Coordinate Distortions About Iraq, Afghanistan
BUSH POSTPONES THINKING ABOUT IRAQ UNTIL 2009; Says Thinking Would Send ‘Wrong Message’ to Enemy
U.S. SENDS RICH LITTLE TO IRAQ TO ENTERTAIN INSURGENTS; Pentagon Hopes to Confuse the Enemy
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
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9 Comments
The one I like best came from Ironic Times-Congress Asks For Rice, Gets Beans.
Brownback Enters Walter Reed For Broomstick Adjustment. Says it’s far too tight for campaigning
FLASH: BUSH DECIDES TO RETHINK IRAQ. SENDS CHENEY OVER WITH SHOTGUN. IRAN CRIES FOUL.
REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL CAUGHT BY NEWS CAMERAS AT “QUESTIONABLE” CLUB.
“I THOUGHT THE ROAD LED TO SUNSET STRIP, LIKE IN THE TV SHOW, NOT THE MALE STRIP CLUB. I’M OUTRAGED”, CRIES SAM BROWNBACK, WHO IS SEEN RIDING OFF WEARING A “RIDE EM, COWBOY” TEE-SHIRT.
CHENEY SLAUGHTERS ENTIRE SUSPECTED INSURGENT OUTPOST WITH 20 GAUGE SHOTGUN AND 4 ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION.
“IT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND BRAVE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN,” ONE LIEUTENANT IS QUOTED AS SAYING ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY.
Vice-Pres Dick Cheney is rumored to be on the DC Madam’s john list.
So David Letterman quips, “A good-looking guy like Dick Cheney needs to pay for sex?”
WICHITA EAGLE TO RUN MOLLY IVINS
“Even dead, she’s better than Brent Castillo,” say editors . . .
Boy, no shit capn. The WE running anyone without the wingnut stamp of approval would be astounding.
I dont even read values boy. Even if they have elevated him and printed his picture on line.
You can toss a handful of kansas taliban phrases in a hat, pull one out, and you can bet values boy has tried to make a whole column out of it.
I guess the WE knows its readers. Republican wingnuts and crazed bible thumpers.
And you wonder why so many think kansas is filled with bible thumping, freedom hating hicks?
The WE choices of columnists certainly confirms it.
“REPUBLICAN” WARNED ABOUT NAME INFRINGEMENT BY RNC!!
“If we say or condone what he says, we couldn’t get anyone elected!” a spokesperson stated.
“There are rumors this person is a Moonie/Scientologist reject”, the spokesperson further added.