Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
IMUS MOVES TO AL-QAIDA NETWORK; Shock Jock to Anchor Three-hour Hate Block
BUSH FIRES SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE; Critics Question Timing of Decision
BUSH: AHMADINEJAD MUST DISMANTLE LAST NAME; Threatens Sanctions Against Polysyllabic Leader
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

4 Comments

  1. Republican
    Posted April 16, 2007 at 1:43 am | Permalink

    PELOSI TAKEN HOSTAGE IN IRAN – Ahmadinejad pleads to Bush to take her back immediately.

    KVORKIAN CLINIC ASKS FOR DONATIONS OF RECALLED DOG FOOD – The ghoulish clinic which houses terminally ill people wants cheaper ways to give eternal sleep.

    GIANT STATUE OF ROBIN EATS NEW CENTIPEDE STATUE – In an shocking display of metal carnage, the Shocker Robin hopped its way to the Centipede center and devoured it in five minutes time.

    SHOCKER COACH DISAPPOINTED IN WICHITA STATE STUDENT CENTER – New Basketball Coach Gregg Marshall was distraught at the obvious lack of grits on the cafeteria menu.

    WICHITA EAGLE INTERN ARRESTED IN PRESS ROOM SCUFFLE – Patrice Hein, was arrested by Wichita Police when she placed a Full Nelson wrestling hold on Intern Ross Steward refusing to release it. When asked why she did it, Patrice stated that Ross Steward kept offering Hein white out correction fluid for her computer station.

  2. Republican
    Posted April 16, 2007 at 2:03 am | Permalink

    COWTOWN CHOSEN AS NEW CASINO SITE – Casino owners displeased with the choice stated that another 25,000 dollars will be required for “muck rakers” to remove horse droppings at the many Casino entrances.

    CROWSON SUED FOR LIABLE IN IMUS CASE – Don Imus is suing Cartoonist Richard Crowson for depicting him as a Black-Faced Suffolk Sheep sporting a tattoo with the Rutger Mascot.

    ROSS STEWART SUES BLOGGER FOR MISSPELLING NAME – The Blogger named “Republican” claims no memory of an event as the spelling was generated from an email on Republican Party Laptops.

    SEBILIUS ANGERED AT GREYHOUND TRACK – Owner of the Greyhound Park states that customers refuse to leave the new Slot machines and no Wager forms are being filled out for races.

    PARROT HIRED FOR COUNCIL SEAT REPLACEMENT – Mayor Brewer is highly suspect of Councilman Parrot as it keeps addressing the Mayor in broken Spanish as “Caramelo estúpido”

  3. mrcontroversy
    Posted April 16, 2007 at 2:20 am | Permalink

    JAMES BARFIELD RUNS FOR COUNCIL:True, but the Eagle won’t print it.Ever wonder why?

  4. CapnAmerica
    Posted April 16, 2007 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    BUSH CREATES ‘WAR CZAR’ JOB AND NOBODY WANTS IT

    Wait, that one’s true . . .

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/10/AR2007041001776.html