SENATOR LEAHY AND BARBARA BUSH HAVE COMMON FAMILY TIES – Leahy describes his genealogical tree as being conspiratorial because men in his line have no hair.

ROVE CLAIMS HIP HOP DANCE TAUGHT TO HIM BY AG GONZALES – Gonzales denies the report and several Justice Department Lawyers resign

SENATOR CLINTON HAS SHOWDOWN WITH PELOSI – Pelosi accuses Clinton of using hissy and fit in close proximity.

BUSH ADMITS SPITTING IN THE WIND – The President states, he was with it, before he was ‘agin’ it.

IRANIANS CEASE NUKELAR PROGRAM – Iranians quickly renamed a program involving enriching flour to NUKELAR to satisfy President Bush’s claim of Iran conducting a NUKELAR program.

LIBERALS STOP WHINING – Price of gasoline falls to 10 cents a gallon.

ARMY MEETS RECRUITMENT GOAL – The new capture and release Illegal Immigrants into the Army “Bastardos Locos” Recruitment Program achieving great results states a Pentagon Spokesman.

NEW LEGISLATION BY DEMOCRATS CHANGE FOOD INDUSTRY – Democrats pushed a bill through Congress that requires labels such as “E Coli Free” and “This will make you fat” as requirements on all food labels that do not meet laboratory and dietary standards.

GAY DRESS MAKER GETS CONTRACT TO MAKE “CODE PINK” T-SHIRTS – The San Fransisco Dress Maker Paul(a) Earl Jones states, “Who is better qualified?”