Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
PRESIDENT OF IRAN DECLARES WAR ON SPARTA; Vows to Nuke 300 Warriors
GIULIANI’S EX-WIVES MARCH ON WASHINGTON; Police Estimate Crowd at 200,000
BUSH STRIPS LIBBY OF NICKNAME; President: ‘I Hardly Knew the Man’
I WON’T BACK GINGRICH, SAYS SATAN; Former House Speaker Loses Longtime Supporter
NCAA RENAMES MARCH MADNESS ‘MARCH BIPOLAR DISORDER’; Under Pressure from National Institute of Mental Health
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

12 Comments

  1. GSheridan
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 4:44 am | Permalink

    Satire.

  2. Chas.
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 8:12 am | Permalink

    I just love Satire… It brings out the lighter side of otherwise depressing news…

  3. Dennis
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    If they were ever funny it would help. Or even thought-provoking.

  4. Republican
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 11:13 am | Permalink

    P. BROWNLEE JOINS EDWARDS CAMPAIGN – Followers pirouette and Jete’ to the soundtrack of “I feel pretty.”

    TILLER JOINS FOX NEWS AS A MEDICAL HEALTH ANALYST – Claims he’ll perform the first post partum abortions on Hannity and OReilly.

    SENATOR SCHUMER SAYS WE’RE IN CHARGE NOW – Vice President’s Custodial Worker Answers Subpoena about Dust on the Window Sill

    PRIEST WINS WICHITA MAYOR’S RACE – Kneeling benches to be installed in Council Chambers

    CHENEY DENIES “F” WORD STORY – Cheney comments to reporters “I did not F_____ use those F_____ words!

    OBAMA FOLLOWERS START UP NEW SCHOOL – Campaign supporters, Arr, Tick and Ulate donate funds.

  5. Republican
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    PATRICE HEIN NAMED NEW EDITOR AT EAGLE – Ross Stewart vows revenge for the planted ‘Bush Supporter’ screen saver at his work station.

    CARTOONIST RICHARD CROWSON HIRED AS RHYTHM GUITAR FOR DIXIE CHICKS – Natalie Maines states she’s tired of growing the moustache for the group

    WICHITA MAYORAL DEBATE ON APRIL 1 SET – “Yo mama” jokes, eye gouging and ‘nad’ attacks banned from debate tactics list.

    ARENA COMES UNDER BUDGET – April 1 announcement filters through voter ranks

  6. J M Walker
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    LOCAL BLOGGER GIVEN ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION BY ACCIDENT.”Thought I was getting a vitamin shot”, declares Republicant, as the forth month is showing big time.

  7. Republican
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 12:03 pm | Permalink

    SEBILIUS CHANGES RENAMES GUARD – Governor claims that removing the word “National” will keep the troops at home.

    PHIL JOURNEY INTRODUCES NEW LEGISLATION – Kansas Senator states that renaming Kansas to Oz will attract more tourists.

  8. Republican
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 12:05 pm | Permalink

    J M WALKER SEEKS LOST BOOTS – A herd of awkwardly walking Sheep seen near I-135 wearing mud boots.

  9. Republican
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    ROAD CONSTRUCTION SITES IN WICHITA NEARLY COMPLETE – Confident Engineers claim victory, but feel concerns for not budgeting for paint for road surfaces “Maybe next year” states one anonymous source.”

    OFFICER DOLLY “KIDNAPPED” – Search of Firefighter locker rooms revealed no results.

    LOCAL NBC AFFILIATE SOLD TO KWCH’S SUNFLOWER CORP. – FCC makes exception to charity franchising.

  10. Republican
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 12:46 pm | Permalink

    FIRED US ATTORNEY IGLESIAS ADMITS HUMOROUS FIRING DATE – Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th is a day I will remember for sure.

    DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE CONSPIRACY REWARD POINTS – Pelosi says eligible Democrats will be receiving frequent flyer mileage on their credit cards.

  11. ProudMan
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

    NIT winner crowned as 66th best team in the nation.

    Democrats campaign in Southern Churches, ACLU forms chior.

    Repulicans discover party leadship is full of professional politicians. “But we are against lots o’ government” says duped voter.

  12. HardTruth
    Posted March 26, 2007 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    BUSH TELLS THE TRUTH!Scientists determine that Hell has frozen over.