Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
SUPREME COURT GIVES GORE’S OSCAR TO BUSH; Stunning Reversal for Former Veep
CONDI UPGRADES IRAQ FROM QUAGMIRE TO MORASS; Situation Disastrous But Not Catastrophic, Rice Says
DAVID GEFFEN NAMED GOP CHAIRMAN; Grateful Republicans Tap Chatty Mogul
NETWORKS CRITICIZED FOR LACK OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH COVERAGE; CNN: We Dropped the Ball
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

11 Comments

  1. SOB
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    COMMENTS MADE BY BLOGGERS FOUND TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

  2. Old Manor Road
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    Now you’ve done it! I laughed so hard I almost dropped my coffee cup onto the keyboard! I have a cold! It was a great way to brighten up my day!

  3. gster
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    PREZ BUSH WINS MAD MAGAZINE MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD!!

    “They said I was a perspiration for them. They even said I could have my own column when I retire fron the White House. I have a lot of thoughenations to porpoise.Like the movie guy said ” A fella has to know his lunications!! I’m very exitedable about this!!”, the President added.

  4. CapnAmerica
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    WALTER REED FAILURES LINKED TO OUTSOURCING TO HALLIBURTON

    Wait, that one is true.

    DRUNKEN VICE-PRESIDENT SHOOTS 70 CAGED PHEASANTS BEFORE NOON

    Goes for Ducks in the Afternoon

    Wait, that one is true too.

    AFTER FOUR YEAR DEBACLE IN IRAQ, PRESIDENT HINTS AT INVADED IRAN

    Oops, true again . . .

    NEWT GINGERICH BLAMES KATRINA VICTIMS FOR “NOT GETTING OUT OF THE WAY OF A HURRICANE”

    Ditto.

    WAR IN IRAQ COST NEARING ONE TRILLION–NO END IN SIGHT

    True, again.

    BUSH ADMINISTRATION FUNDS AL-QAEDA GROUPS

    Yup, not kidding. Check it out–http://thinkprogress.org/2007/02/25/hersh-qaeda

    *****

    When you’ve got a president and his party that are this bad, who needs to make up gag headlines?

    The truth is ridiculous enough.

  5. CapnAmerica
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

    SUPREME COURT SEEKS TO AWARD GORE’S OSCAR TO BUSH

    5-4 Decision Expected Soon

  6. gster
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    ANN COULTIER REVEALED AS LONG LOST LOVE CHILD OF FRED PHELPS!!!

    “Yes, it’s true and has been medically proven. The strong family resemblance was the first tip-off” a spokesman added.

  7. CapnAmerica
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

    Who said it?

    “A generation shaped by Vietnam must remember the lessons of Vietnam: When America uses force in the world, the cause must be just, the goal must be clear, and the victory must be overwhelming.”

    President NumbNuts at the RepubliCON National Convention, 2000

  8. outlander
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    GLOBAL WARMING REVERSES

    Change reportedly linked directly to extreme frigid streak by WSU Shocker basketball team.

  9. gster
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 1:39 pm | Permalink

    HALIBURTON BUYS U.S. ARMY!!!!

    IRAQ WAR NOW COSTS 2.5 BILLION DOLLAS A DAY, 3.75 BILLION ON WEEKENDS.

    U.S. GOVERNMENT TO END WAR DUE TO EXPENSES INCURRED!!!

    “We’ll have to find something else to do now” groused the President.

  10. outlander
    Posted March 5, 2007 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    MILITARY DEVELOPS PRE-BATTLE MOTIVATIONAL PROGRAM

    The program is said to consist of tapes of Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail loudly screeching her shrill stump speech. “It sounds so bad, I just want to shoot someone”, said one Navy Seal. “What’s worse is that just one screw up and we have to listen to it again. Talk about inhumane torture!”

  11. gster
    Posted March 6, 2007 at 12:40 pm | Permalink

    SCOOTER LIBBY TO UNDERGO SEX CHANGE OPERATION!!!

    “You think a guy named Scooter is going to fare well in a federal prision?” , he asked.

    “I’m going with “Lascooter”, maybe that will work in a female prision”.