Bullying is a serious problem in Kansas schools — both the in-your-face and cyber varieties. But it’s not a problem that seems fixable by the Legislature. If there is value in proposed legislation to require school districts to implement anti-bullying plans and report bullying to the state, it will be in bringing bullying greater public attention and prompting local school districts to explore whether their anti-bullying measures are in place and effective.
Posted by Rhonda Holman
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32 Comments
Why do I feel this would be like the zero tolerance weapons policy? Many are accused, but few caught!I was bullied most of my school years from 1st to 11th grade, But you know what was the best revenge?When I ran into Lewis Keeler who was taking a dine from me every other day in the 7th grade. 14 years later and now 6-2, 230 pounds. I explained to him how he made me feel back then and what I would do if he ever try to take anything from me again! LoL I guess he understood my fears, especially when I described the act of ripping his arm off and beating him to death with it. He said he was sorry and said he has changed his life around since 7th grade. I am happy for him, I was really happy to see that look of pure terror in his eyes too! Now if I ever run into Steve Sexton… I guess the nurses will have to explain what happen.
Bullying is a serious problem and it has been for a long time. Some kids have left their schools over it, by either dropping out or suicide.
It shouldn’t be torturous to come to school. And the school absolutely have the responsibility to make it safe for kids.
Now there is a difference between kids being kids and out and out bullying. Bullying can take on a stalking type effect and herd/pack mentality.
So where is that line?
writerdog: Reminds me of a day many years ago at about age 12 or 13 when I must have gained 10 pounds overnight. Rather than run, I held my ground, face to face with the bully, and punched him until stopped by an adult along the way home. From then on, the bully changed and was a decent overalls wearing kind of fellow as far as I know.
I somehow think legislators should butt out and leave this to teachers and administrators in the schools.
If you fight a bully now-a-days the cops will get involved, and you will be charged with battery or aggravated battery. Most likely, the bully will cooperate with the prosecution. The fine will be about $1,000, and you will have to report to community corrections until you graduate from high school. Happened to my son. He lost the fight, by the way.
Yes bullying exists…but, is it something the legislature should try to regulate? I agree with Rhonda on this one..best left to local control.
I had a bit of a problem with one of my kids being bullied back in grade school. I simply sent the school principal and the other kid’s parents a registered certified letter informing them that legal action- both criminal and civil- would be in the offing should they not cease and desist. Had no more problems after that.
P mom- the line for me is this- school exist to prepare children for life. And the fact is that they are failing at doing so. One look at how kids are allowed to dress will tell you that. A disorderly atmosphere creates disorderly children. If it were up to me, uniforms would be required and orderly conduct demanded. And if a bully should exist, it should be tolerated just like your or my workplace would tolerate such conduct- he gets one warning and then he goes out the door for good.
“If you fight a bully now-a-days the cops will get involved, and you will be charged with battery or aggravated battery”
That’s ridiculous… what ever happened to the good old days of having a fight, the looser sucked it up and everyone went on with their lives.
I was involved in a few fights back in middle and high school. Most every one ended up with me doing pushups and in school suspension…
One of the largest fights I ever saw was one that was planed by a couple of guys outside the school, it was so amusing, the two guys going at it, both bleeding, both out of breath when the cops showed up. They both sat there, shook hands, leaned on each other and told the cops nothing happened. That’s how a fight should work!
If somebody bullies the wrong kid, he might come back to school the next day packing a Tec 9 and you end up with another Columbine. That is why it is important that schools not tolerate it.
p-mom and kev,
I disagree… Why try to restrict our children’s activities/attitudes. Why not teach our children to stand up for themselves? How is protecting them to the day they enter high school or the real world helpful? There are always bully’s. There will always be bully’s. The only way to help your child against being bullied is by teaching them to stand up for themselves. The ones that you are talking about p-mom are the ones with very very low self-esteem who need to be taught to take pride in themselves and stand up for themselves. Bully’s gradually go away once you stand up for them. They feed off of the power they receive from allowing that kid to bully them.
Kev,
If you start your kids standing up for themselves early in life, it “should” never get to that point of them shooting up the school…
I think some schools get too harsh with punishments in schools, so harsh that people are affraid to lash out when that is just how kids are.
My twin 5 year olds and their younger 3 year old fight all the time, they do that. they also know not to fight with other kids because its not right. Its human nature to be violent and aggressive, its just how they are aggressive is what needs to be worked on and the only way that can and will happen is by the local administrators and what works best for thier district/school/class room.
There should be a very “bright line” between a regular fight and ANYTHING involving a weapon. For the former – in-school detention, clean the floors, etc. For the latter – Court and, if necessary, the parentts in Court too.
We need to put discipline back in the schools. Teachers know what is going on but look the other way because they have no way to handle the situation. I not so sure we shouldn’t go back to the “paddle”. When a child finds out there are rules and these will be followed, he is less likely to want to face the discipline. Children like structure and when it isn’t there we all know what happens — that is what is going on in our school systems today. Students do not respect teachers and teachers have no way to enforce acceptable behavior. We need to get back to where respect and discipline is first and formost what is expected from our students. That lets us have a positive, controlled, learning enivironment.
Be careful what you wish for.
My kid is in a VERY restrictive public middle school. Uniforms are mandatory and passing periods extremely regimented.
He LIKES it.
It makes me shudder. I would never have tolerated an environment like that when I was in school.
Bullies? Heh heh.
In high school, I got suspended for slugging it out with a kid a year older a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier than me. He started it.
A couple days later I snuck out during a study hall and took all the lug nuts off the wheels of his prized Mustang Cobra. He didn’t bother me again.
Careful, we don’t want to hurt the bully’s self-esteem. We were told by a school administrator; we would like to do something about the problem, but, we worry about harming the students’ self-esteem. We always told the kids not to resort to violence; the authorities will handle the disciple problems. After the conversation with Mr. Self-esteem we told the boys to defend themselves.
Tony you think these kids have the ability to fight off for themselves. Many don’t.
School has to be allowed to be a learning environment for everyone. This isn’t 1950 anymore, the stakes are higher.
There are many good antibullying programs and policies out there already.
And Kevin is right, you push the wrong person long enough, you end up with a Columbine.
Maybe concealed carry is the answer?
No it is NOT human nature to be agressive. It scares me to death that you are teaching your kids that it’s ok to be like that- that you think like that. Something tells me you were the bully.
Everyone seems to agree that bullying is a problem, but no one can agree on whose responsibility it is to pursue. Such is life.
However, many of you seem to be overlooking that bullying is facilitated, supported, or disregarded by high-level school faculty. Maize High School is a hilarious example of this (plus the blatant nepotism). The only time Wilbert ever took a stand against his son’s bullying was when he hit a girl at a school dance (as he was about to get jumped). And let’s not forget the Blazeks who made so many enemies with the Columbine types that they had to hire security to guard their HOME. If it weren’t for the collateral damage and benevolent teachers stepping in, I would support the Tec-9 approach. Some people need to see desperacy for what it is rather than labeling it “pointless” agression. That said, I prefer a less violent solution and someone needs to take this responsibility away from the kids.
p-mom,
I wasnt the bully, i was the bullied…
I see it already with all of the kids at daycare and pre-school.
They are already forming ranks into who the submissive kids are who take the abuse and who are the ones who standup. I’m teaching my kids to stand up and not get bullied. I will not have them being the little pussys that get pushed around in school.
What about cyberbullying, Tony and others; this is a problem I have observed increasing in occurrence and severity over the last five years or so. Interestingly, it appears to be a primarily female phenomenon, males apparently still preferring the threat of fisticuffs in the halls, etc. with which all of us are accustomed.
It’s a real issue, whether physical or emotional; one school with which I have acquaintance has banned cell phones from the school dances, due to the photography feature; small comfort to the parents of the dear children who rely on the cell phone call to know when to come and get the offspring.
hum… Cyber is an issue, granted, but in my mind, a bit easier to deal with.
Just turn it off. Change Email Accounts, etc… Parents really need to monitor thier kids web access. In my case the ONLY place my kids use computers is at school.
I dont want them spending all day infont of a computer posting useless crap on blogs…
Tony, sounds like you are among what I perceive as a minority of parents who actually tries to monitor/limit web access with offspring. It can be done, as we did it ourselves; but there are certain requirements, such as taking the time to monitor, learning the latest software tricks, etc. Let’s not forget, however, the seemingly ubiquitous cell phone; many of these are in the possession of students who circumvent the parental attempts at control/monitoring by use of the phone to access the web, etc.
I am an IT guy and i have been installing ALOT of software to monitor and restrict web access.
My recomendations to adults to really lock down their kids user accounts, put on filtering software and prevent or limit chatting and social sites such as myspace.
The thing is that its not hard to limit what your kids see or do online… heck, once u instlal the software, most of the time you dont even have to deal with it again. Most software i use auto-updates and usually does good, sometimes too good but it all works…
it takes an effort on the part of the parents. just like school bullying. parents need to disipline their kids.
About a hundred years ago, give or take, I was about 12 or 13, raking leaves in my front yard in Detroit. The neighborhood bully, Jim Pence, rode up on his bike. He asked me if I was ready to fight him. Not being all that bright, I assumed that there was no choice, so I dropped my rake and doubled up my fists.
His eyes got real big and he rode off on his bike. He never bothered my again. Actually, it seemed like he avoided me from that point on.
Since then, I gotten a little brighter, but I still assume that when a bully wants to fight, there is no choice but to drop the rake and assume a fighting pose.
That is the only way to deal with bullies – never back down.
THANK YOU WSClark!
This is what I have been saying!
So what do you do when you have three or more wanting to beat you up?Yeah, I have been in this situation but the problem with standing up to your own is they sometimes come back for more and are lot meaner about it.Then before you know it you have gang fights.Yes, standing on your own ground has some positive but also has some negative to it.
We have to remember the nature of bullying now is not nearly what it was years ago though. Yes, I was bullied by Amy and Vicky, the leaders of the little clique I was a part of. It wasn’t until Vicky threw a basketball directly into my face from a short distance that I fought back and punched her right in her big face. And I wasn’t picked on again. From that point on I practically became the bully- I was bad assed and nobody was going to screw with me. I took that all the way to smoking and drinking and doing drugs- getting involved with the bad boys because I was the ‘bad’ girl. That attitude follows you all the way to adulthood. And I had to let go of a lot of that in order to become a useful part of society. Develop true relationships with people instead of expecting (and getting) the worst.
You see, there becomes a change from when you decide not to take it anymore. We tend to live up or down to our expectations. If you expect your children to get bullied and need to defend themselves, they likely will hold that attitude as well.
And they shouldn’t have to feel it is a dog eat dog world. We are not animals, we defend the weakest among us instead of eating the weakest among us. We’re civilized. We dictate what is appropriate behavior, and bullying is not appropriate behavior.
Bullying girls are a lot different than bullying boys. My oldest ended up in St. Joe’s Adolescent Unit when she was in 8th grade. Depression. She had gotten to the point where she couldn’t deal with the 2 girls who were verbally abusing her, and she refused to go to school. She also pulled a knife on me a few times. Eventually the principal had a talk with the other girls, and they backed off some. My daughter also learned to handle it a little better.
I don’t restrict where my kids go on the internet. Once they are teens they should have enough sense to know better. And I would not tell my daughter to not have a MySpace page when I have one myself.
So what do you do when you have three or more wanting to beat you up?
LOl ok here is what I did, the Satan’s helpers was a street gang that had their home turf a couple of blocks from my home. I was about 15 at the time and was walking down an alley to the closest Quick trip. When suddenly I found myself surrounded by ten of them, they seem intent to work me over for some fun. I suddenly shouted “ OH LORD SAVE THESE SINNERS FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO!”It so shocked them they ran off!
Kev,
I will have to caution you on the whole not restricting what is put on myspace… I have talked with a couple of parents who wanted to check out what their kids had on myspace and they found allot of questionable stuff… Those with daughters had posted a few pictures very explicit. They posted things like addresses, phone numbers, even bra sizes…
I must caution you, I am in IT, yea, you and I have Myspace pages but we are grown adults. I would caution anyone with kids, especially girls, to watch what ever they put on their myspace page or out on the internet… It’s for their safety.