Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
PUTIN DENIES BEING ‘ANYWHERE NEAR’ TACO BELL; Calls Linking Him to E-Coli Outbreak ‘Pure Fantasy’
GORE: HILLARY RUN COULD DESTROY PLANET; Says Clinton Candidacy Would Wreak Havoc with Climate, Penguins
NEW RUMSFELD MEMO URGES FIRING RUMSFELD; Calls Axing Self Key to Iraq Strategy
BUSH: ‘HECKUVA JOB, AL-MALIKI’; President’s Words of Praise May Mean Iraqi Premier is Through
BUSH TWINS INVADE IRAQ; Sunnis, Shiites Unite Against Hard-Partying Duo
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

7 Comments

  1. rm6046
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 4:20 am | Permalink

    BROWLEE ABRUPTLY RESIGNS FROM BEAGLE ED BOARD — Psychiatist says “smiling at Holman” 24/7 disabling condition. Lawyers for Brownless expected to file discrimination action next week. Brownlee unavailable for comment. Last seen at the Day-old Twinkie/Ding Dong store promising press conference this afternoon from CiCi’s Pizza Buffet.

  2. JM
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    SAVE ON CHRISTMAS PRESENTS! Eagle sponsors an adopt a Muslim program.

    CITY IS DOGGONE AMBIGIOUS ABOUT SHELTER PROJECT. Euthansia of over 51 pitbulls will be decided by Judge Friday.

    EAST CENTRAL NOW A GHOST TOWN! 59 Business have closed up shop when they heard the completion date of street repairs by 2011.

    NBC BUYS OUT ABC! Latest polls show NBC still in last place despite purchase.

    OBAMA WRITES LETTER TO OSAMA! Senator invites Bin Laden for talks.

  3. Rage
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    MINDLESS IRRATIONAL BIGOTRY FOREVER GONE IN AMERICA

  4. gster
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    BUSH ANNOUNCES NEW IRAQ STRATEGY!!

    NEW INVASION BEING PONDERED!!

    “I have been thinkanating, and have determined that we started out with more than we can chew in Iraq! We need to learn to crawl before we can stumble, so I have ordered the invasion of The Grand Dutchy of Fenwick. After we learn those lessons, we’ll move onto Switzerland, then Iceland and hopefully then back to Iraq and success.”

    “By learniating how to properly invasionate and reundestroy the infastructure, we will soon bring this matter to a proper contusion!!”

  5. rm6046
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    Gster: Well said ! Hahahahahahah !

  6. CrusaderX
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 5:31 pm | Permalink

    AMERICANS FIND OUT THEY ARE DUMB.

  7. outlander
    Posted December 8, 2006 at 7:03 pm | Permalink

    EVERY POSSIBLE POINT AND COUNTERPOINT TO EVERY POSSIBLE ISSUE POSTED BY PREDICTABLE BLOGOSPHERE.

    Now running on temporal causality loop until further notice.