Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
IN NEW POLL ON ETHICS, PUBLIC RANKS CONGRESS LOWER THAN PIRATES; Bloodthirsty Bandits of the High Seas ‘Twice as Trustworthy’ as Lawmakers, Survey Says
KIM JONG IL TESTS NEW SUNGLASSES; Security Council Alarmed By ‘Crazy-looking’ Shades
POLL: MAJORITY OF AMERICANS FEAR BEING INSTANT-MESSAGED BY A REPUBLICAN; Tops Terrorism, North Korean Nukes in New Survey
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
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9 Comments

  1. mrbill
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 2:24 am | Permalink

    Guns n’ Butter has some great headlines, something like an Onion Lite…

    http://www.gunsnbutter.com/

  2. Ben Huie
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    “HONEST STAFFER DISCOVERED IN THE WHITE HOUSE”

    EPA immediately provides him with endangered species protection.

  3. gster
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 12:43 pm | Permalink

    PRESIDENT BUSH’S FORMER TEACHER COMMITS SUICIDE!!

    “I changed my name, moved, even grew a beard, and I was still the object of shame and scorn!”, former English teacher Jane Willis reported. ” The more I tried , the worse things became!! There is no such languge as Bunglish!”

  4. gster
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

    HOME DEPOT ANNOUNCES NEW PRODUCTS IN THE HOME SAFETY DEPARTMENT!!

    ITEMS FEATURED:

    ** Kevlar Siding

    ** High-density Polycarbonate Windows

    ** House Bondo

    ** Designer Sand bags

    “We feel the new Conceal and Carry law offers real growth potential in this market”, a spokeperson added.

  5. gster
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    WICHITA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE ANNOUNCES NEW CITY MOTTO!!!

    WICHITA: “IF YER NOT PACKIN’, YER LACKIN’!”

  6. outlander
    Posted October 13, 2006 at 1:59 pm | Permalink

    HURRICANE SEASON DISSAPOINTS GLOBAL WARMING ALARMISTS

    Environmentalist groups expressed concerns about the lack of a hurricane season this year, when the number of hurricanes was way down and no hurricanes hit the U.S.

    It had been widely speculated after a record year in 2005, that global warming was increasing the number and severity of hurricanes. “This sets us back years”, said Krissy Crank, a spokesperson for GWS. “We need carnage to push our agenda, and look what we get!

  7. Rage
    Posted October 14, 2006 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

    CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVES SHOW AN UNDERSTANDING OF HOW SCIENCE WORKS

  8. Mr KIA
    Posted October 14, 2006 at 5:41 pm | Permalink

    GEORGE BUSH DUMBEST MAN ALIVE!Fools entire planet into going to war in Iraq

  9. Will
    Posted October 14, 2006 at 6:10 pm | Permalink

    RAGE FINALLY UNDERSTANDS THAT HIS ARGUMENTS BASED ON HIS OUT-DATED HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEXTBOOKS DON’T HOLD ANY WATER!