Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines some from borowitzreport.com:
FOLEY BLAMES BEHAVIOR ON POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION; Latest Excuse Raises Eyebrows, Doubts
BUSH URGES USING WOODWARD’S BOOK AS ALTERNATIVE FUEL SOURCE; Burning Book Could Wean U.S. From Middle Eastern Oil, President Says
LEWINSKY MULLS ‘08 RUN; Former White House Intern Offers Self as Alternative to Hillary
BUSH ACCUSES SADDAM OF POISONING AMERICA’S SPINACH; Calls Vegetables the New Front in War on Terror
MEL GIBSON APOLOGIZES TO DOOMED MAYANS FOR LATEST REMARK; Embattled Actor Reaches Out to Doomed Mayan Community
POLL: IN MATCH-UP BETWEEN HILLARY AND KERRY, MOST DEMOCRATS WOULD CHOOSE SUICIDE; Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says
FOX NEWS OFFERS POPE HIS OWN SHOW; ‘The Pope Benedict XVI Factor’ to Debut Next Week
ROCKET SCIENTISTS NOT AS SMART AS ORIGINALLY THOUGHT; New Findings in Study Commissioned by Brain Surgeons
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

16 Comments

  1. Will
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 3:06 am | Permalink

    IAN SANTIAGO SHOOTS EVERY HISPANIC PERSON IN AMERICA IN 2008 RACE WAR. KKK SHOOTS HIM IN THE HEAD. GRAND DRAGON SAYS:”YEAH HE WAS ONE OF US, BUT WE HAD TO SHOOT EM, JUST IN CASE.”

  2. TRACY
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 6:04 am | Permalink

    PRESIDENT BUSH ACHIEVES WORLD PEACE THROUGH NUCLEAR NON-PROLIFERATION

    Armies worldwide disarm and celebrate.

  3. Door King
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 8:20 am | Permalink

    Actually, the right accused migrant workers of pooping on our spinach.

  4. writerdog
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 8:46 am | Permalink

    DEMOCRATS HIRE INTERN TO GIVE BUSH A BJ!

    Now we can finally impeach the President and save the country!

  5. JM
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    hmmm, How about…”Wichita Eagle Starts Meaningless Blog”

  6. Ben Huie
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    “HASTERT CLAIMS DEOM PUT DRUGS IN FOLEY’S BOOZE”

    “That explains his behavior” says the GOP Speaker

  7. ksfarmgrrl
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    JM WHINES ABOUT WICHTA BLOG, YET COMES HERE EVERY DAY!

    Oh, that isnt news though, is it?

    Just a daily fact of life. Like flies and roaches…

  8. dusty chaps
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    FOLEY RELEASED FROM ADDICTION TREATMENT. JOINS NUNNERY IN EAST AFRICA.”without them pages around, I’ll be a good boy . . . er . . . man.” Foley tells reporters.

  9. An observer
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 12:43 pm | Permalink

    NEW LEGISLATION REQUIRES CITIZENS TO PITY WHITE CHRISTIAN REPUBLICAN MALES: “Victimhood is soooo empowering” coo WE right wing posters

  10. gster
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 3:51 pm | Permalink

    CONYER CAFE DEVELOPING NEW MENU ITEM INSPIRED BY RECENT NUCLEAR TEST IN NORTH KOREA!!

    The “Nukie Pie” is based upon a Kimchee/Armadillo mixture and will be available also in ala mode style.”This is part of our new International menu,” the owner offered. ” We are also working on a Saddam Camel burger with hummus sauce.”

  11. J M Walker
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 4:38 pm | Permalink

    CONYER CAFE FINED BY FDA FOR FAILING TO HAVE CERTICATE SHOWING GROUND CAMEL CHECKED FOR MAD-CAMEL DESEASE.

    In a related story, residents of Conyer said to be buying camel hair brushes in bushels.

  12. gster
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    NEW HEALTH-RELATED INFORMATION ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN SURFACES!!!!

    REPORTS OF KIDNEY FAILURE AND NEW INFORMATION REGARDING WORLD-CLASS HALITOSIS LEAD MEDICAL EXPERTS TO CONCLUDE OBL ADDICTED TO CAMEL-DUNG WINE!!

    “This explains why his repoted 18 wives are not with him in Pakistan!”, an offical repported.

  13. gster
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 7:47 pm | Permalink

    NEW HEALTH-RELATED INFORMATION ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN SURFACES!!!!

    REPORTS OF KIDNEY FAILURE AND NEW INFORMATION REGARDING WORLD-CLASS HALITOSIS LEAD MEDICAL EXPERTS TO CONCLUDE OBL ADDICTED TO CAMEL-DUNG WINE!!

    “This explains why his repoted 18 wives are not with him in Pakistan!”, an offical repported.

  14. J M Walker
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 8:36 pm | Permalink

    DIGITAL “ECHO” MYSTERIOUSLY APPEARS ON WE BLOG.

    “Apparently, at certain times, most likely when the political ‘wind’ as it were, a gathering of forces collide to split some post into two separate entities, which then re-assemble themselves into two identical posts.

    “This particular thread appears to be inhabited by the dreaded “gster echo.” Luckely, this rarly occurs more often than once a month, stated Norm “I put the bama in osama” Gildersnard.

  15. Mr KIA
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 8:40 pm | Permalink

    NORTH KOREA TESTS NUCLEAR WEAPONRumored to be working on indoor plumbing next.

  16. gster
    Posted October 9, 2006 at 9:08 pm | Permalink

    BLIP! BLIP! BLOP!! OOPS!!

    Damm, where is a good echo when you need one?

    I’m not myself, I’m the other guy!