Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
BIN LADEN OFFERS MEL GIBSON ANGER MANAGEMENT LESSONS; Calls Actor’s Drunken Rant ‘A Cry for Help’
STARBUCKS TO OCCUPY LEBANON; Only International Force Willing to Go, Says Condi
AXIS OF EVIL FLOODED WITH MEMBERSHIP APPLICATIONS; Kim Jong-Il ‘Very Picky’ About Filling Open Third Slot
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

8 Comments

  1. Tony
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 1:49 am | Permalink

    City to Dome former Wranglers stadium to create Indoor parking for Arena…

  2. Tony
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 1:59 am | Permalink

    City Council and Mayor to pay 116,000 for sensitivity training…

  3. Tony
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 9:10 am | Permalink

    AT&T buys Wranglers! Renames the Wichita Telephones!

  4. gster
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

    LAWRENCE DUMONT STADIUM SOLD!!!NEW MEDICAL FACILITY TO BE BUILT ON SITE.

    “The Won’t Be Fooled Again Mental Health Center” slated to be mid-west care facility devoted to treating disturbed GW Bush voters.”Given the location, we feel there are untold thousands of potential clients. Symtoms include the obvious embarassment to full-blown psychosis and depression. This is just in time for the next Presidental ELection.”, the new director noted.

    * Special guard to be installed to prevent new clients from jumping off Kellogg Overpass.

    *Water-therapy facililty to be built on Arkansas River after Atrazine/Pesticide Filter is installed.

    *Local Ice Skating Rink to offer physical therapy care.

  5. gster
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

    Collyer, Kan.

    LOCAL CAFE TO CATER NEW MENU ITEM TO STATE CAPITAL DURING NEW BOE SWEARING-IN EVENT!!

    NEW ITEM TO BE CALLED THE “CONNIE BURGER”

    LOCAL FARMERS HAVE NOTED ABSENCE OF PARTICLULAR TYPE OF BLACK BIRD. STATE ORNITHOLGISTS TO MONITOR SITUATION.

  6. gster
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 1:11 pm | Permalink

    CITY OF WICHITA TO BUY ALCATRAZ ISLAND PRISON FACILITY!!!!

    ENTIRE SITE TO BE MOVED TO WICHITA, KANSAS!!!!

    Mayor Mayans stated: ” We don’t have to waste all our money building a new Arena, this one is ready to go and has stood the test of time. There are plenty of private skyboxes , and after remodeling, look out!! This will put this town on the map big time!!”

    In a related event, the formation of the “Recall The Loon” committee announced. More to follow.

  7. hahaha
    Posted August 4, 2006 at 1:11 pm | Permalink

    ROTO ROOTER BUYS NAMING RIGHTS FOR ARENA!

    They will call it the “DOWN THE DRAIN” Arena

  8. Tony
    Posted August 5, 2006 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    lol haha nice name.