THE ROLLING STONES TO OPEN WRANGLERS GAME AT LAWRENCE-DUMONT; ‘We Have Turned the Corner on Attendance,’ Says City Official
POLICE SHUT DOWN CITY HALL AS KNOWN CRACK HOUSE; Mayor’s, City Council’s Abusive, Erratic Behavior Seen In New Light
BOB DOLE’S OFFICIAL SENATE PORTRAIT SHOWS BRITNEY SPEARS SITTING ON HIS LAP; ‘Elizabeth Hasn’t Seen It Yet, But I Think It’s A Good Likeness,’ A Smiling Dole Tells Media
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If Britney’s on his lap, I hope he forgot to take his viagra…I heard you can getup to a 4 hr erection with that drug!!!
PREZ TO SING BACK-UP AT STONES CONCERT IN WICHITA!!!
The President is having his nose pierced and being fitted into a Tutu per Mic’s request. “We’re considering the President for a kazoo solo during the second set”, added Jagger.
KANSAS SUPREME COURTS ORDERS STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION MEMBERS TO ATTEND TOPEKA SLYVAN LEARNING CENTER!!!
“These guys need to get with the program and help our State move forward. Besides, this is cheaper that the cost of surgery to remove their colective heads from an un-named body orfice”, a spokesperson added.
ATTORNEY GENERAL PHIL KLINE BUSTS FICUS PLANT IN WICHITA COURTHOUSE LOBBY!
“I’ve had my eye on that criminal, and cannot allow it to continue in drug trafficking (sic) in such a wanton fashion!”, he added.
WICHITA CITY COUNCIL ANNOUNCES NEW “WICHITA WINTER FESTIVAL”!
The centerpiece is the “TOXIC RIVER FISHING CONTEST”.Classes include:* most mutated carp* bluefish that aren’t* open class for Pro’s** The EPA will be on site to offer cash for new species discovered!”By being held in Janurary, we feel the full Biosphere Suits being required will not present a problem”, an offical added.
DEMS FAVOR KILLING BABIES AND HARVESTING THE UNBORN FOR SPARE PARTS.
LEBANON LAUNCHES NEW TOURISM CAMPAIGN: VISIT BEIRUET – WHERE EVERY DAY IS 9/11!
CENTURY II SOLD!! RUMORED TO BE NEW RETIREMENT HOME FOR CARTOON CHARACTERS!!
“Minny, Mickey, Pluto et. al. never had such an opportunity” said Manager Square Pants Bob.
President Bush considering a move from Crawford , Texas ranch.
“These guys are my real-life heroes, and I respecticate upon them!”, the President added.
KANSAS BOARD OF EDUCATION TO LAUNCH NEW “NON-RELIGIOUS” DRIVE.
“WE FEEL RELIGION IN POLITICS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS”, SAID CONNIE MORRIS. “HENCEFORTH, ALL REFERENCES TO INTELLIGENT DESIGN WILL NOW BE REFERRED TO AS THE “AIN’T NO BANGIN’ GOIN’ ON HERE” THEORY.”
IN A NON-RELATED ITEM, CONNIE MORRIS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND DECLARE THAT SHE IS INDEED A MEMBER OF BOTH SEXES.
PAT ROBERTS TO RETIRE FROM U.S. SENATE!!ROBERTS TO TAKE NEWLY CREATED POSITION OF OFFICAL STATE STATUE.
“I stand for a lot of things, many of which I don’t understand , so I might as well make it my final career choice. I hope I am pigeon-proof!”,the Senator explained.”
IRAQI PM ADMITS BURYING DISSIDENTS IN MASS GRAVES
“It’s cheaper and more efficient that way,” he explains.
Hey, gster, that’s not so far-fetched? W. did a great job on “Sunday Bloody Sunday”:http://www.robmoore.org/
ANN COULTER TO GET FREE SEX CHANGE OPERATION!!!
MYSTERIOUS DONOR OFFERS 2 MILLION DOLLARS.
“Make her a man, make her a woman, but for God’s sake get her off-center. We can’t take anymore of that whinny spewage!!”, a Donor source stated.