Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from the Web site borowitzreport.com:
ROVE, SATAN PLOT G.O.P. FALL STRATEGY; White House Adviser, Prince of Darkness Resume Longtime Collaboration
BRAD PITT TO GET DENTAL CHECKUP IN NAMIBIA; X-Rays to Be Sold for Charity
GORE FILM BECOMES MAKE-OUT MOVIE OF THE SUMMER; Global Warming Means Hot Loving at the Multiplex
AL-QAIDA CHOOSES ZARQAWI’S SUCCESSOR ON REALITY SHOW; ‘Jihadist Idol’ Debuts on Al-Jazeera
ANN COULTER CHALLENGES PRESIDENT OF IRAN TO INSANE COMMENT CONTEST; Conservative Pundit, Iranian Madman to Face Off on Live TV
IRAN TRYING TO OBTAIN PARIS HILTON’S ALBUM; Claims It Will Be Used For ‘Peaceful Purposes’
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

19 Comments

  1. Hank Priss
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    ANN COULTER DISEMBOWLES LIVE PUPPY ON TV

    Eats its still pulsating heart and liver

    Conservatives cheer her “toughness”

  2. Iam Sataniago
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 10:42 am | Permalink

    IAN SANTIAGO CAUGHT WITHOUT PAPERS

    Sent back to Cuba to live with blacks and hispanics

  3. gster
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

    NEW URBAN RENEWAL PLAN ANNOUNCED FOR ARKANSAS RIVER!!!

    City officals unveiled plan to dredge river and stock with Beluga Sturgeon.”We’re going to be known as the “Caviar Capitol of the Midwest!” The new river theme to be ” Roe , not Wade”.

  4. J M Walker
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    LIVE PUPPY DISEMBOWELS ANN COULTER ON “MOST EXTREME ELIMINATION” TV SHOW.Kenny Blankenship rates it number one elimination for the show.

    In a related story, Ann Coulter to write a new book entitled, “How I died and was reborn as Pat Roberts.”

  5. writerdog
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 2:41 pm | Permalink

    WRITERDOG FORCED TO BUY MOP!people slipping on growing pool of spit from read Ann Coulter name.

    ARTIST MAKES BUST OF ANN COULTER.but the rains came and the bust floated away, Coulter denies the floating rumor and states it should have melted.

    VP ANNOUNCES RUN FOR PRESIDENCY, NAMES COULTER AS RUNNING MATE.‚”she was not my first pick, but she scares me!”, states Cheney.

    PRESIDENT BUSH ANNOUNCES COULTER NEW AMBASSADOR TO IRAQ.Insurgency lays down arms and surrenders, “she scares us too!”.

    one more.

    DEVIL ANNOUNCES ENGAGEMENT TO ANN COULTER.I have been looking for just the right woman since the beginning of time.Besides any woman that scares me so bad that I turn to God, is my kind of woman!

  6. Rage
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 2:52 pm | Permalink

    ANN COULTER SENT TO GUANTANOMO BAYPlans found for blowing up the New York Times

  7. gster
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 3:00 pm | Permalink

    COWTOWN TO START USING LIVE AMMUNITION IN SHOOTOUTS!!

    “We think this will be a real crowd pleaser , and also help withcash flow problem. We anticipate a short run due to high employee turnover costs.Volunteers welcome!!”, a spokesperson added.

  8. Nathan
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 6:13 pm | Permalink

    Wow…

    For as bad as you all claim Ann Coulter to be, your comments sure are not much better.

  9. gster
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

    Hmmm, let’s see: typical, predictable, not topical. I wonder what that might describe? Hmm.

  10. J M Walker
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 8:55 pm | Permalink

    Nathan,Have any idea what “Dubiuos, Bogus, and utterly phony” means?

    An example:

    NATHAN RENOUNCES BUSH/IRAQ WAR PLAN. JOINS HARE KRISHNA. NATHAN LAST SEEN PLACING LEAFLETS ON CAR WINDSHIELDS AT LOCAL WALMART.

    In a conversation with Hank, nathans dad, Hank says, “Whoa is me; where did I go wrong.”

  11. gster
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    JM- Ouch! That’s really funny!!I enjoyed meeting you last night, and am now going to keep my head down!Nathan- no disrespect , but this is funny.

    G

  12. Joe Williams
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

    AL GORE TO CHALLENGE STEVE FOSSETT’S AROUND-THE-GLOBE NON-STOP RECORD.

    Al Gore to promote his enviromental agenda decides to challenge Fossetts record by flying a massive jet that has 20 turbin engines.

    Although Gore denies it is be a publicity stunt or just another ploy to get media attention, he said his true intentions is to see the effects of Bush’s Global Warming around the world.

    For his flight, Gore toutes how enviromentally conscience he is by having his flight suit made out of recycled materials.

  13. XXX
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    DING!DING!DING! DING!!!!

  14. XXX
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 11:25 pm | Permalink

    FORMER BLOGGER-TURNED-TROLL GETS PISSY AND STORMS OFF BLOG TO START HIS OWN BLOG WHICH FAILS MISERABLY. CAN A BLOGSITE HAVE COBWEBS?

  15. J M Walker
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 11:28 pm | Permalink

    Ditto, gster. Look forward to seeinh you again. Keep your strings tight, bro.

  16. roar
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 11:29 pm | Permalink

    “NATHAN PULLS HEAD OUT OF SHRUBS ARSE, SEES WORLD IN NEW LIGHT.”

  17. J M Walker
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 11:35 pm | Permalink

    ROAR TAKES NATHAN’S PLACE . . . LIGHTS OUT!

  18. Ian Santiago
    Posted June 23, 2006 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    UNDERSTANDING THAT CONTROVERSY BEGETS READERSHIP, THE EAGLE HAS DECIDED TO ALLOW A WEEKLY PRINT COLUMN TO REFLECT THE WHITE NATIONALIST PERSPECTIVE. COLUMN TO BE TITLED: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO IAN SANTIAGO. ADVERTISERS ARE REPORTEDLY LINING UP TO GET ON BOARD.

    V.L.R.B!!

  19. ksfarmgrrl
    Posted June 25, 2006 at 11:07 am | Permalink

    heheh. no chance Ian. Values boy is the only columnist the WE needs. I wonder how many advertising dollars he brings in? And do you think he is behind the new “church reviews”?

    “I give it a ten because it has a great beat for dancing”…

    …ya well, the potlucks are better with the lutherans but ya cant beat the presbyterians for singing….