Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

NUSS PROBE CENTERS ON WHO LEFT TIP AFTER LUNCH CONVERSATION: Justice Nuss Angrily Denies He Agreed to Cover Senate President for Gratuity

CONGRESS PASSES LAW REQUIRING U.S. FLAG TO BE MADE OF ASBESTOS; Simple Solution Ends Flag-Burning Controversy Once and for All

WICHITA NAMED WILD DOG SANCTUARY; City Identified as Important Habitat for Pit Bulls, Other Aggressive Breeds
Posted by Randy Scholfield

13 Comments

  1. Joe Blow
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    ROVE INNOCENT!!

    Woops, that’s true. Betcha won’t see it on the front page though.

  2. Darwin'sDisciple
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 9:48 am | Permalink

    ROVE NOT CHARGED! “Now, I’ve never claimed I was innocent”, Turd Blossom chortles.

  3. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    ALIENS GRAB CENTURY II!!Spokesperson for the Mother Ship says” It’s one of ours that got away. We’ve been looking all over the galaxy for it!”

  4. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    CITY COMMISSION ANNOUNCES NEW ARKANSAS RIVER-BASED CONTEST!!TWO CONTEST FORMATS:”Pick Your Pollution: or ” Name That Runoff”.

    * First person guessing the correct Atrazine level gets an overnight stay in Peabody.* Second place a week.* Third place to relocate.

  5. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 12:37 pm | Permalink

    WICHITA TO LOCATE NUCLEAR REACTOR IN NEW ARENA BASEMENT!”This will result in low heating and A/C costs, with no bug or rodent problems anticipated” as stated by spokeperson.* Contract bids – low bid takes all.* Local river, to be renamed “Love Canal Midwest” to supply coolant.* Free Dosimeters with admisssion ticket.* Seating costs and location to be managed by the Exposure Agency.*

  6. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 12:40 pm | Permalink

    Kellogg to be made into one lane only!

    “We’re going to control those damm speeders, whatever it takes” said Police Chief Williams.

  7. Ben Huie
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    CANNONS EMPLACED ON LEWIS ST BRIDGE TO CONTROL KELLOGG SPEEDERS

    “We’ll just pick off a few and leave their charred remains there as a deterrent”

  8. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 1:15 pm | Permalink

    NEW ARENA FOLLOW UP:

    *Sky Box seats to have optional lead bottoms at extra charge.

    * Dependent upon the glow, FAA to consider naming Wichita newest FAA MIdwest Airline Navigation Aid.

    * City to study using new basement facility as ultimate solution to trash problem.

  9. CF
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    gster,

    “Name that runoff.” You’re killin’ me man, I tell you what…

  10. J M Walker
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    THREE YEAR STUDY OF NUCLEAR REACTOR IN WICHITA ARENA BASEMENT FINDS GIGANTIC COCK ROACHES STEALING POPCORN FROM PATRONS.

    STUDY ALSO FINDS DOWNTOWN AREA RESIDENTS STARTING TO SOUND AND LOOK LIKE ARKANSAS HILLBILLIES.

    Further study is needed on the later, as the degeneration of residents may be linked to KBOE decisions.

  11. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 2:13 pm | Permalink

    FRED PHELPS TO BUILD NEW CHURCH AT REACTOR ARENA SITE!!!”I have seen the light,felt the warmth ,and it is always with me!!. I don’t need to wear a coat amy more.It is truly a maracle!!. No more funerals for us– this is the real thing. Look out Wichita!”.

  12. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

    Fred Phelps: “The new church to be called ” The Brothers & Sisters of the Terminal Overdose”.

  13. gster
    Posted June 13, 2006 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

    Phelps Church to be renamed” The Sisters of the Eerie Emanation” said church spokesman Brother Ashy Pallor.