Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
AVIAN FLU NOW MORE POPULAR THAN BUSH; Bird Pandemic Surges Ahead of President in Latest Poll
BIN LADEN TRIED TO WARN BUSH ABOUT KATRINA; In Newly Released Teleconference, Madman Expressed Concern About Levees
GOLDDIGGERS, GIGOLOS RALLY IN SUPPORT OF ANNA NICOLE; Thousands March on Washington to Show Support for Former Playmate
SADDAM SENTENCED TO BE PRESIDENT OF IRAQ; Angry Hussein Demands Retrial
U.S. OUTSOURCES HOMELAND SECURITY TO NORTH KOREA; Little-known Korean Firm ‘Seems OK,’ Says Chertoff
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

12 Comments

  1. Darwin'sDisciple
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 12:11 am | Permalink

    SAMSHA REPORT: Joe Williams is full of fecal matter – it may be from male bovines.

  2. CrusaderX
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    Phill Kline caught masturbating to taped recordings of Kansas teen girls confessing their sexual escapades.

  3. ProudLib
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 9:35 am | Permalink

    ELECTRONIC VOTING MACHINES RECORD 100,000 MORE VOTES THAN PEOPLE

    Test shows machines working “flawlessly,” say Republicans

  4. ProudLib
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 9:37 am | Permalink

    WOMAN FIRED FOR AIR AMERICA BUMPERSTICKER

    Oh, wait, that one’s true–

    “In San Diego County in California, a woman has filed a lawsuit claiming she was fired by Advantage Sales and Marketing, Inc. for the radio-station bumper sticker on her car. …

    “According to Laroca’s suit, the bumper sticker in question read only: ‘1360 Air America Progressive Talk Radio.’”

    More: http://www.speakspeak.org/speak-blog/2006/03/09/woman-f...

  5. J R
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 9:58 am | Permalink

    CONSTITUTION FOR BID ON EBAY!

    Bush explains, “It was really old and I wasn’t using it anyway.”

  6. Ben Huie
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    WEBLOGGERS MEET; ZERO FATALITIES! UN SECURITY COUNCIL REQUESTS THAT THEY MEDIATE MIDDLE EAST PEACE AGREEMENT!

  7. ProudLib
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 11:00 am | Permalink

    Hehehe, good one, JR!

    Can’t you just hear W. in that imitation Clint Eastwood whisper of his–

    “It’s time we return these old gov’t documents to the people. Their YOUR documents.

    “Besides we can use the money to pay for Iraq.”

  8. ProudLib
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Should be “they’re.” Note to self–stop using contractions in these posts, stop using contractions in these posts . . .

  9. J M Walker
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 11:15 am | Permalink

    PROUDLIB HAS CONTRACTIONS ON WEBLOG. WORLD AWAITS, WITH BAITED BREATH, THE GOOD NEWS.

  10. Ed Friedemann
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 11:22 am | Permalink

    Bush: “pollsters are “suspected terrorists.”

  11. JUSTA GUY
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 11:22 am | Permalink

    ARIZONA SELL HUNTING LICENSES FOR ILLEGAL ALIENS… season to be determined.

  12. J R
    Posted March 10, 2006 at 11:44 am | Permalink

    BLIGHT HOUSE?

    Wal Mart to use eminent domain!

    Emeinent domain paperwork was filed today for the White House and surrounding grounds. Wal- Mart is eyeing the central urban location for a new super store.

    “The property and the activities it is currently used for are a definite tax liablilty. We believe we can make it a revenue plus asset.”Wal Mart officials said.

    President bush seemed to embrace the deal. “I don’t spend alotta time there.”