After hearing Phill Kline’s mystifying explanations in court last week about what constitutes injurious underage sex, we’re guessing most teens will adopt a "Don’t ask, don’t tell" policy.
Among the legal sex advice from our attorney general: Kissing and petting is OK, but he’s not sure about fondling genitalia. As long as it "doesn’t shock the moral conscience."
French kissing is probably OK, maybe even if one partner is lying on top of the other. Ooo-la-la. Are you taking notes, kids?
But Kline waxed almost Clintonian in opining that girl-on-boy oral sex might not need to be reported as a crime, but boy-on-girl oral sex should be. The difference? Don’t ask. Kline went on to say that "penetration" was a key issue. But asked how to define it, he said, "I’m not certain."
Any other questions? Keep them to yourself. And tune in tomorrow for another installment of "Ask Dr. Phill."
P.S.: The trial has attracted national attention, including this online Slate column titled, "Smells Like Teen Snogging."
Posted by Randy Scholfield
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30 Comments
Ok? May I suggest that Mrs. Kline is quite disappointed by his opinion!Typical male view of foreplay, gee at least he did not say anything about they could not be in the same room!
Yaaaaaawwwwnnnnnnn
Good God, what a moron.
Even the dumb*** right wing must be embarassed at Kline by now. But then, maybe not. They also like to control every aspect of everybody else’s lives. Especially (nervous giggle, tee hee) people’s (whisper now) sex lives.
Kline is rapidly approaching too stupid for words! Will his morality police be peeking in bedroom windows to check that we’re using only the biblically prescribed positions? God forbid sex should be pleasurable!
Kansans never cease to amaze me.
Who knows if this will pass the decency standards, but I have to say I doubt a lot of teenage oral sex is boy on girl. Usually it is girls pleasuring boys to keep their boyfriends or their status as technical virgins. Plus, girl on boy is definately penetrative and disease causing. And anyway, isn’t an older girl with a younger boy abuse too? Gee, I am so glad Phill is around so we can all clarify it.
CruX,Embarrass would be a better word. From here on out, I’m getting a PO Box in New Jersey, so my mail won’t have a Kansas return address!
Allie,Well, underage girl on boy, or even better, on legislator or attorney, is the ideal being promoted here, and we don’t want those teenage nymphs getting any expectations of reciprocity!
Yes, teach them early that sex should only be pleasurable for the man. Any expectations otherwise is simply providing aid and comfort to the terrorists.
What’s wrong with you people?Haven’t you ever heard of doing ‘68′?
That’s where the female performs fellatio, and the man….well, he owes her one!!
Besides, I’m dissapointed that Phill’s trained beauticians haven’t also been turning in promiscous teens.
Why selfish men ever get laid is a mystery to me.
Phil is just too weird for words. Why do we have all these nut cases in Kansas? Is there something in our water or what?
cookie,Selfish men get laid because there will always be stupid women out there who think they can change them.
Who in their right mind listens to Dr Phil anyway? Talk about a boring life. Oh . . . THAT Phil. See previous sentence.
Kansans never cease to amaze me.
Posted by: CrusaderX | February 07, 2006 at 11:19 AM
Why, thank you, Crusader!
Oh, you didn’t mean in a good way??
Well, not all Kansans are like Phill Kline.
*sigh* Now some of my friends think all Kansans are nuts. *feels bad*Darn it.
Only in Kansas will you have a so-called conservative politician telling everybody else how to conduct their private lives. I thought conservatives wanted less government not more. Does any know if Kline has his own phone sex line or WEB site? That might be a good WEB (Attorney Generals in Pink) site for all RIGHT WING CONSERVATIVES to visit.
Phill’s book “Repbulikan Approved Premarriatal Sex” is due out in paperback this summer.
Are the pages all blank?
neophyte,
I am not a native to your great state. I’m a New Yorker, born and raised. I apologize for my rude,uncouth generalization. Us city folk ain’t always polite. Kansans really are the nicest people. no pun intended.
Crus X, Why are New Yorkers (and many who live in the East)so rude? Everytime I visit that part of the country, I can’t wait to get home again. Thought maybe you might have the inside scoop.
Is Philllllll pre-occupied with teenage sex? Did he spend too much time abusing himSELF when he was a teenage boy? This seems to be his lifes work now. I’m sure glad we don’t have any real crime in Kansas to distract him from his “mission from God.”
Damoon,Because we HATE tourists. They cause traffic. They take pictures of EVERYTHING! Every freakin building they gotta take a damn picture! You know I love NY slogan? well we’re workin on a NY doesnt love you slogan. Well maybe thats exaggerated a bit. We are fast-paced, we get impatient if it takes a half-minute more to get a cup of coffee than usual. I don’t know if this is a NY thing, but I hate tardiness. I hate it in others, as well as myself. I have to be everywhere on time or I get mad at myself. But I’m loving this country life! I’m surprised you call Topeka a city, to me it’s just a big town. I had to readjust a bit over here, but man oh man, I’ve never felt more relaxed in my life when I’m here in KS.
I cant speak for the Bostonians, we’ve been their rivals ever since we dug the canal to the midwest. I forgot the name of it, but it runs along the U.S. Canada border. Ya see, Boston and NYC were competing for top dog in the trade with Europe since both are port cities. We found a way to transport goods from the Midwest to NYC by the canal we dug. (I still forget the name.) The cost of transporting goods from the Midwest to the East and to the European market was much cheaper on river than by land, especially with that pesky Appalachian mountain range in the way. Boston however was not so fortunate, since their state has no water access to the Midwest, we New Yorkers BUILT one! And with our own damn money too! We didnt take one red cent from federal taxes either. So it cost the rest of Americans nothing. Thomas Jefferson said the idea could never be done! and that New Yorkers were insane to believe they could do it! Well we did! take that Boston! hahahahaha!!!Damoon, they think we’re stuck up arrogant bastards, while we think they’re just jealous. :)
I was born and raised and I despise jew yorkers! Of course CruX is a PR and a jew yorker so rudeness should be expected.
Viva La Raza Blanco!!
Yikes, that should read I was born and raised in Boston and I despise jew yorkers!
V.L.R.B!!
Yes Ian, everyone in New York is jewish. and we’re out to take over America!! ooohh, here come the big bad jews comin to git ya! We may be mean, but we have a special place in our hearts for closet-self-hating-Hispanics like you Ian. Really, what’s up with the I hate everybody attitude Ian? Sounds like you need therapy. Oh, and Ian you discovered our RomanCatholic-Jewish plot to steal America from the Protestants! How dare you! Don’t forget that we control the media too Ian. You aren’t safe from us! Beware!!! :)
Cookie, I am not selfish…read into it what you will. Just do not let Phil hear about it. Last I knew Kansas still has a sodomy law that make it illegal even between two hetro-sexual adults.
Quite the amusing article from Lithwick, though what Kline’s doing isn’t very funny.
Ian,You weren’t born and raised, you were hatched and abandoned!