Dubious, bogus and utterly phony headlines

The following satirical headlines come from the Web site borowitzreport.com:

HALLIBURTON WINS CONTRACT TO RECONSTRUCT CHENEY’S REPUTATION; At $42 Billion, Largest Contract of its Kind, Company Says

ATHLETE WITHOUT COMPELLING PERSONAL DRAMA EXPELLED FROM OLYMPICS; Skier Concealed Adversity-Free Past From Officials, NBC

WITH SWEEPS UNDER WAY, NETWORKS ASK RUNAWAY BRIDE TO RUN AWAY AGAIN; Ratings-Hungry News Nets Make $1 Million Offer to Wilbanks

CHENEY ‘STILL WAITING’ FOR IRAQIS TO APOLOGIZE; Calls Invasion of Iraq ‘The Worst Day of My Life’

MICHAEL BROWN NAMED SECRETARY OF DEFENSIVENESS; Stunning Comeback for Former FEMA Chief

U.S. OFFERS TO RELOCATE INSURGENTS TO IRAN; ‘Keep Doing What You’re Doing’ Next Door, Rumsfeld Says
Posted by Phillip Brownlee

10 Comments

  1. J R
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 1:01 am | Permalink

    BUSH OUTSOURCES HIMSELF!Un Named mid east oil mogul to rule by proxy.

  2. Joe Williams
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 5:39 am | Permalink

    CHENEY SHOOTS FROM THE HIPStill says the aim is to get the terrorist.

  3. Ian Santiago
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    NATHAN SET UPON BY CROWD OF ANGRY LOCALS AS HE TRIES TO PROMOTE THE PRESIDENT’S PLAN TO GIVE AMNESTY TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS.

  4. Ian Santiago
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

    JUSTICE DEPARTMENT STATISTICS SHOW THAT MOST HATE CRIMES VICTIMS ARE YOUNG, POOR AND WHITE!

    Wait, this is true!

    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=48898

  5. CrusaderX
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 11:00 pm | Permalink

    http://home.cinci.rr.com/justamerican/skinColor.htm

    CRUSADERX CHALLENGES EVERY RACIST TO TAKE THE TEST AT THE PRECEDING WEBSITE.

  6. CrusaderX
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 11:21 pm | Permalink

    http://www.aaanet.org/stmts/racepp.htm

    RACE ONLY EXISTS IN THE MIND. READ WELL.

  7. CrusaderX
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 11:53 pm | Permalink

    IAN SANTIAGO, HOW DOES YOUR ARGUMENT THAT “WHITES” ARE SUPERIOR TO “NON-WHITES” PHYSICALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY HOLD UP AGAINST THE AMERICAN ANTHROPOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION’S STATEMENT OF “RACE”?

    http://www.aaanet.org/stmts/racepp.htm

  8. CrusaderX
    Posted February 22, 2006 at 11:57 pm | Permalink

    IAN SANTIAGO BLAMES AMERICAN ANTHROPOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION OF CONSPIRING WITH JEWS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD IN 3… 2… 1…

  9. R Lewis
    Posted February 23, 2006 at 2:34 pm | Permalink

    Wichita…from Air Capitol toBaby Killing Capitol

  10. Ian Santiago
    Posted February 23, 2006 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    HILLARY CLINTON PREDICTS PRIVATE SCOOL VOUCHERS WILL LEAD TO WHITE SUPREMACIST ACADEMIES!