The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:
SADDAM CALLS HIS TORTURERS ‘RANK AMATEURS’; Fears for the Future of Torture in Post-Saddam Iraq
ANGRY SANTA DECLARES WAR ON ARBOR DAY; Seeks Revenge for War on Christmas, Experts Believe
BUSH URGES AMERICANS TO SPY ON EACH OTHER THIS HOLIDAY SEASON; Calls Invasion of Privacy ‘the Gift That Keeps on Giving’
TERROR SUSPECTS TO RECEIVE FREQUENT FLIER MILES; New Program Makes Rendering Rewarding, Condi Says
WITH SADDAM A NO-SHOW, SADDAM LOOK-ALIKES GO ON TRIAL; Doppelgangers Will Return Credibility to Proceedings, Rumsfeld Says
WHITE HOUSE ACCIDENTALLY SCREENS ‘BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN’; Cheney, Rove Injured in Stampede for Exit
WAR COST TOPS ONE ZILLION; Pentagon Renames Iraq Conflict ‘Operation Infinite Expense’
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
9 Comments
as i said before…
BUSH SWEARS HE NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH IRAQ
SECRET MEMO PROVES HE TOTALLY SCREWED THE ENTIRE COUNTRY
MEN IN WHITE SUITS SCUFFLE WITH SECRET SERVICE OVER CUSTODY OF BUSH
NEGOTIATED SETTLEMENT: SECRET SERVICE AGREES TO WEAR WHITE SUITS
NORTH POLE TURNS ICE-FREE YEAR-ROUND: Santa Claus moves to Tibet, bills White House for expenses
RUDOLPH FOUND DEAD SANS NOSE: Suspicions fall on the rogue gang of Yaks intent on stopping perceived “illegal immigration”
“We know exactly where one cowwith mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.”
NOTHING TO HIDE ACT ALLOWS CITIZENS TO SIGN UP FOR GOVERNMENT MONITORING
“Response has been slow,” says fed official.
GROVER NORQUIST, ANTI-TAX GURU, PROMISES TO SHRINK JACK ABRAMOFF UNTIL HE CAN BE “DROWNED IN THE BATHTUB”
He explains “in times like these, sacrifices are necessary.”
SOCIAL SECURITY: MAKE IT NEITHER!Billionares for Bush