The basic facts of a case heard Tuesday by Sedgwick County District Judge Greg Waller are beyond awful, the sort of thing you expect to see on TV rather than in your community: three young sisters in a southeast Wichita home, repeatedly raped for at least two years by their older brother and their father. The maximum 27-year sentences Waller imposed on each rapist after their guilty pleas won’t right the horrible wrongs done in that house in our community. But as the case shocks the conscience, the way it ended — with one girl confiding in a neighbor — should be a call to be more vigilant as a community.
Posted by Rhonda Holman
Registered?
Commenting on WE Blog now requires you to be a Kansas.com member. Use the links above to register, if you haven't already, or to log in.Contact us
Follow us
Daily Archives
-
Recent Comments
- SolDevVB on Open thread 11/24
- Phantom on Open thread 11/24
- sursum on Open thread 11/24
- SolDevVB on Open thread 11/24
- donndublin on Open thread 11/24
- DavidB on Open thread 11/24
- DavidB on Open thread 11/24
- BlueJay on Open thread 11/24
- KSGolfnut on Whose ‘unchecked spending’?
- outlander on Open thread 11/24
25 Comments
Scenarios like this are played out every day in every city for some poor children.It’s positive to see society coming strong against this atrocity, but lets deal with it realistically.This isn’t something that has just begun in our society. It’s generations old. Both parents probably came from families that have a long standing practise of being sexual with the children. It’s almost as if they believe they have the right.
I used to hate my mother for doing nothing while I was growing up. As a mom today I understand she had hard choices.To kick him out of the house would have condemned my whole family to a life of poverty. Her job at a convenience store woul dn’t pay all the bills and we were all too young to work.I’m not excusing her.Programs to help the mother be solvent if she chose to leave with her children would go a long ways to having more mothers step forward.As more and more of these situations come to light, instead of tearing up the family again and putting both parents in jail and the children in foster homes. Why punish the family members who are already victims?> over and over again.
Sum1, how would you deal with a situation like this? I’m interested to hear an opinion from someone who’s “been there”.
Kudos to Judge Waller for lowering the boom on these moraldegenerates. It is unthinkable to have a father abusing those vulnerable young lives that were his responsiblity to protect.
With all due respect to your situation, Sum1, your mother should have filed for divorce, had your dad pay support, and kept him away from you. If he didn’t pay support for the kids, then she should have turned him in. He would have had the keys to jail in his hands. All he had to do was support his kids and stay away. But if not…..happens all the time.
I’ll bet any amount of money that the dad is a staunch conservative.
I know that not all conservatives engage in predatory and perverse sexuality, but it seems like the hard-core perverts are invariably conservative.
Something about “I DON’T feel your pain” seems to be the common linking element.
“With all due respect to your situation, Sum1, your mother should have filed for divorce, had your dad pay support, and kept him away from you.”
WHAAAAT????
Even now, child support enforcement is a joke! Almost nobody goes to jail for nonsupport. A woman can’t just go to the courthouse and complain about not getting child support. First thing she has to do is get a lawyer. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A LAWYER COSTS? If a woman is having a difficult time putting food on the table for her kids, how the bloody hell is she supposed to come up with a grand or so to pay a lawyer to get her dead-beat ex to fork over the child support? All she’ll get is a judgement, and that doesn’t always get any money. All a guy has to do is get another job, and the whole process starts over. Child support enforcement is a national disgrace in this country.
Galahad: What an abolute crock!
I have a hard time with someone who would choose to sacrifice their children in order to have financial security.Rape is rape, why should a man be given special consideration just because his victim was a family member? Why should the fact that he is the family breadwinner make him less accountable than someone who rapes a stranger?How is keeping him in the home and allowing him to continue abusing his children NOT punishing his children?I’m trying to understand your logic, Sum1, but I just don’t get it. Enlighten me, please.
Dud, actually it’s not a crock. Most perpetrators have little internal control, so often they will seek external controls in an attempt to suppress their impulses. They are very likely to be drawn to rigid systems, like fundalmentalist religions, closed societies, the military, or law enforcement.It’s just symptomatic of that particular personality disorder.
Look Damoon,I draw from other posts that you are or were a nurse. so you may know something about the subject. You may not. But in one short post, you have managed to insult those in the military, law enforcement, the Masons, and evangelicals, and generic conservatives.
My point is that you don’t just go out like Galahad and start picking fights with groups without someone getting back in your face. Especially on issues like abuse where conservatives would be much more likely to want to see the scum punished as opposed to liberals, who would more likely want to just understand why the poor guy did it.
Dud,
Damoon was referring to the perps who are often drawn to obedience culture. Damoon said nothing negative about those who are in such cultures. The point that is being made that an overwhelming majority of the perps are unable to shake off the rigidity when re-entering normal daily life.
Also, I personally would indeed like to know the circumstances on “why the poor guy did it.” If having such knowledge can prevent another tragedy, by empowering everyone to be able to note the tell-tale signs, by encouraging everyone to look out for one another, then so be it. Very often the signs are there but no one notices.
Thanks, Roo. I meant no insult to those groups, but perpetrators are drawn to those groups for a reason.I’ve been a psychiatric nurse for over 20 yrs. I’ve met plenty of sexual predators in my time, when a man would come into treatment thumping a bible, we’d often suspect that he might have those issues. Often that was the case. They seek rigid systems for the control they can have over others and for the control they seek for themselves.
BTK–staunch Republican
Ted Bundy–a paid employee of the Republican party
Jim West–gay-bashing gay Republican mayor fighting numerous accusations of forced sex with underage boys
George Roche III–president of heavenly Hillsdale College (ultra conservative and religious) admitted to affair with his DAUGHTER-IN-LAW after she SHOT HERSELF.
Bob Packwood–resigned over multiple sexual harassment accusations
Republican Strom Thurmond–had sex with 15 year old black girl resulting in “love child”
Arnold Swartzenegger–need I say more?
Sen. Jack Ryan–family-values conservative forced to drop out of the Illinois race after revelations from his actress wife, Gerri, of forced encounters at sex clubs.
And here’s a very short list of other family values conservatives–
* Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.
* Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
* Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
* Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
* Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
* Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
* Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
* Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
* Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
* Republican activist Lawrence E. King, Jr. organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.
* Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.
* Republican Congressman Donald “Buz” Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.
* Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
* Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.
* Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child.
* Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.
* Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter.
* Republican governor Arnold Schwarzenegger allegedly had sex with a 16 year old girl when he was 28.
* Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
* Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.
* Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. “Republican Marty”), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.
* Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.
* Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
* Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
* Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
* Republican anti-gay activist Earl “Butch” Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
* Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
* Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
* Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
* Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).
* Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was charged with sexual misconduct involving a 15-year old girl.
* Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
* Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.
* Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.
* Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.
* Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.
* Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.
* Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
* Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
* Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.
* Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a “good military man” and “church goer,” was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
* Republican director of the “Young Republican Federation” Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.
* Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was charged with rape for allegedly paying a 15-year old girl for sex. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.
sbpremember the time, this was late 60’s. Just what were a single woman with 3 children’s options at that time. This was before child support was even considered.
Damoon,I have no information to back my theories other than real life experiences.I would say that if we looked at the mother/daughters we would find they had little control over their lives. They would have few friends and hardly be seen in public. I don’t really believe there would be physical abuse, but the mental abuse would be heavy. That would be the way the whole family was controlled to stay quiet.In any abusive relationship, the first step is to isolate the victim. It’s a helpless feeling when you realise you have no place to go for help.The way to solve this problem is to give the mother a viable option to continue life with some level of stability for her and her children.I stayed away from this post for a couple days because it’s so personal. Maybe by sharing my perspective everyone here will see there are other factors that aren’t visible, unless you are in that situation.
I agree with you that women and children must have resources to break away from these situations, because unfortunately, it’s a lot more common than most people realize.Women who aren’t educated or don’t have marketable job skills are much more likely to be contolled, abused, and victimized and so are their children.I wish schools would focus more on teaching self esteem, healthy relationship skills, and address the issue of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse more with kids. Too often, those who could make a difference look the other way because it’s just easier. Abuse is ugly and it’s not something anyone wants to deal with. Because of my work, many times I’ve been in the situation of having to file abuse reports to SRS, and each time I considered how it was going to affect the family in question. But I always felt my first responsibility was to try and protect the child in that situation. Believe me, it was not easy or ever taken lightly.There are no easy solutions, but in the end parents must be held accountable for what happens to their children.I know this has been a hard subject for you and I admire you’re honesty and bravery in telling your story. Hopefully, the cycle of abuse will stop with you and your children won’t have to know the pain that you knew growing up.I’d like to ask you one more question, if it’s not too personnel. What is your relationship with your mom and dad now that you’re an adult?
It is a difficult subject. I don’t mind the questions, because most people who have never been in an abusive relationship can’t even imagine what life is like at that point.I have no relationship with my parents none. Dont’ want any. They were both mentally manipulative to extremes that are hard to explain. I have nightmares where my father is dying and I can’t decide to go to him before or after he’s dead.I’ve always wanted a relationship with my mother and will never have it.My brother lives in the same town and has limited contact.My sister lives in Alaska and doesn’t want to even come close to them again.
I dealt with the abuse by talking openly to it, to whoever would listen.My sister dealt with is by pretending it didnt’ happen. Her case was worse, because my father’s friends molested her when she babysat for them.When she was about 30 years old, she kept having waking dreams where she was reliving her abuse. It almost drove her crazy, literally. Her husband never forgave her for not telling her about the abuse (he couldn’t understand she had hid it from herself).She cut herself off from our parents completely and moved to the country, where few people knew her address. years later my parents Bought the property next door and built a house. To this day they tell us, they didn’t know my sister lived next door.I know I’ve told you more than you asked. If you have any other questions, just ask. The silence and fear of discussing this subject is one of the ways it keeps going on and on behind closed doors.
You are so right, I’ve known and worked with many victims and a big problem is that too many feel like somehow they were resposible for what happened to them. They feel such shame and so they never talk about it. I’ll never forget the 80 yr old woman I sat with one time while she was disclosing to the doctor for the first time in her life her brother used to rape her when she was just a child. It was heart breaking how she shook and cried and all I could think of was how she had carried that pain and guilt inside all her life.Maybe if more victims spoke out, we’d be forced to address it more in our culture, because it’s a huge problem. It’s also frustrating that there continues to be such stigma regarding sexual abuse, that still many would just as soon sweep it under the rug.Thank you for being so candid and open, I wish you the best.I know many think I must be like the SNL “Church Lady” because I rail against pornography, but I’ve worked with abuse victims (and perpetrators) for a long time, and anything that promotes the sexual use of women or children absolutely makes my blood boil. I’ve just seen so many devastated lives because an innocent child was used as an object for someone else’s sexual gratification.If it were up to me, perpetrators would be elegible for the death penalty. I know that’s pretty hard, but because of what I’ve seen, it’s how I feel.
On any of the issues I believe in I will always be candid and honest with you about why I believe what I do.On Pornography, I never saw any porn in my house growing up. My father never said he read this in a book or saw a picture and wanted to try. He was the way he was, because it’s how he grew up. Both my grandfathers were abusers. Porn was not why he does what he did.
Rape is not a sexual crime. It’s a crime about power and control. I dont’ believe porn promotes rape.
If anything, porn and adult businesses allow a person to find release without involving another person. Sex isn’t just for entertainment. It’s a physical/sexual need for release. For men, it promotes prostate health. By saying porn is evil, we send the message that sex is evil.
That’s where we differ. Porn desensitizes the human psyche and perpetrators who are addicted to it have a greater tendancy to act out. It like being exposed to violence over and over, after a while it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.I’m not saying that all sexual perpetrators act out because they have access to porn, many would rather read the bible (look at Catholic priests). It just that porn promotes the idea of objectifing women and using them as a tool for gratification. That’s what I object to. It degrades the act of sex and certainly doesn’t illustrate what a healthy relationship consists of.It serves no useful purpose whatsoever in a civilized sociey that places importance upon mutual respect among it’s citizens.I know my view is not the popular view, for some any form of censorship is wrong. But I will always stand up for the right of women and children not to be used and abused, and that’s something that porn promotes.To believe that men need an outlet for their sexual urges or else they’ll act out in some unhealthy way implies that they have little or no control over their sexaul urges. I remember a time that if a woman dressed in a certain way and got raped, it was her fault. Again and again, we’ve made excuses for perpetrators, rather than hold them responsible for their actions. Saying that people need porn or otherwise they might act out is just another way of not holding people accountable for their actions.
Damoon, I’m not sure what world you live in, but today, if a woman gets raped it is still considered her fault.The people who want to rape and molest their children learn their behavior as they grow up. They dont’ suddenly become perpetrators.It’s the same logic as owning a gun. The gun itself isn’t what causes the violence, it’s the person behind the gun.
Say, any update on Rusty Eck? I know he’s dead now, but how about his enablers?
On another case, a woman I knew was repeatedly molested by her brothers. Parents were of very strict church background, would rather deny the event or disown her than to face the truth. She carried the guilt and trauma, never telling anyone, until one night she just broke down and confessed the whole thing to her husband. To this day he had been very supportive of her trying to speak out to some relatives, though she still isn’t feeling ready to tell her tormentors directly, let alone facing up to her parents, especially her domineering mother. On the other hand, the husband now had to dance the difficult tight-rope act to keep civility within his extended family, while at the same time keeping his undivided support to the wife. We often meet for a drink or two, and all these juggling act have been hard for both of them.
Off to another branch, any thoughts on porn vs. erotica?
Sum 1, It’s not true that all perpetrators grow up in abusive families. Some come from what most of us would consider “normal” families. It is true that people don’t “suddenly become perpetrators”, the personality disorder that underlies the perpetrator’s behavior is usually starts to form at a fairly young age. There is some debate on this, but there does appear to be some genetic predispostion to personality disorders, just like other mental illnesses, like bipolar (a mood disorder), or schizophrenia (a thought disorder).The theory now is that personality disorders come from a combination of genetics and environment. Perpetrators have several things in common; one is their inability to empathize with others, the other is having little sense of right or wrong. That has more to do with their personality disorder than the way they were raised.It’s a myth that people who sexually abuse others were abused themselves. Otherwise most perpetrators would be women, since they make up more than 90% of victims. Men make up about 95% of perpetrators. (I doubt you have the urge to sexaully abuse your children.)I know what you mean about blaming the victim, it still happens today, but not as much as it used to when a woman’s sexual history could be exploited as part of a rapist’s defense.I remember a man who molested his 9 yr old stepdaughter, saying he did it “because she was coming on to him”.Women have been victimized and scapegoated since the beginning of time, I guess we can’t expect it to totally change in a few decades. I think the more women are willing to set boundries, demand respect, speak out against injustice, quit blaming themselves and hold perpetrators accountable for their anti social behavior, the more things will change.