BEL AIRE POLICE SEIZE RETIRED COUPLE’S ICE-CREAM DEVICE; Detectives Insist the Device is a Meth Lab
TABOR BUS STRANDED ALONG HIGHWAY OUTSIDE WICHITA; Anti-tax Riders Refused to Chip in Money for Gas
BARBARA BUSH PUT IN CHARGE OF HURRICANE RITA HOSPITALITY; Tells Shelter Crowd She Doesn’t Blame Them for ‘Gaming the System’
Posted by Randy Scholfield
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GALAHAD WRITES SOMETHING WORTH READING
JR QUITS WHINING, GROWS UP, GETS JOB
CF BECOMES GRACIOUS, HUMBLE
ED FRIEDEMANN ELECTED PRESIDENT OF NAMBLA
MAN BITES DOG!Dog gets rabies shots.
A PHOTO BELIEVE TO PROVE BIGFOOT IS IN KANSAS.But it turned out to be a photo of Phil Journey when he had hair.
2305, ARCHAOLOGICAL DIG UNCOVERS ENTIRE CITY OF CLOSED PUBLIC ATTRACTION.The sign said, “Welcome to Wichita”.
GOVERNOR FOX BRINGS BACK OLD TIME DEATH PENALTY.”Rocks are cheaper then lethal injection” states Fox. Phelpps appointed head executioner.
FOSILL RECORD UNCOVERS “MISSING LINK” BETWEEN APES AND MODERN MAN.”We are pretty sure that this ape like creature was the predecessor to modern man. He had an empty beer can in one hand and a channel changer in the other”. Said a spokesperson for the Natural history museum.
IAN MARRIES ED IN ETHIOPIAN SYNAGOGUE
Peresident Bush Scores Over 70 Points On IQ Test!
President Bush lied about scoring 70 points on IQ test.
ZIONISTS TELL TRUTH PERIOD
CONNIE MORRIS STATES THAT HER DRUG ABUSE WAS PART OF THE INTELLIGENT DESIGN
ZIONISTS TELL TRUTH ABOUT DIR YASSIN
ED FRIEDEMAN ELECTED PRIME MINSTER OF ISRAEL
JIMMY TELLS TRUTH
jIMMY IS ACTUALLY ED FRIEDEMANN’S DOG
Barbara Bush Seen Volunteering At The Lord’s Diner!
BUSH PADDELS BOAT IN SHIT-FILLED WATERS
Phill Kline asks Mental Health Center for Ed’s Keyboard Records
ED FRIEDEMANN JOINS THE NATION OF ISLAM (opps…never mind, he already has)
ED FRIEDEMANN BECOMES A ZIONIST. (much better)
JIMMY BISONI BECOMES LEADER OF THE “LIBERALS FOR BUSH” ORGANIZATION.
GALAHAD AND ANN COULTER TO WED IN A GALA AFFAIR.
SUM1 TO BECOME SOMEONE.
CF LIMITED TO TWENTY-FIVE WORDS OR LESS.
XXX BANNED FROM THE WEBLOG BY WICHITA CITY COUNCIL. “WE CAN’T HAVE PORNO BLINDING OUR CHILDRENS MINDS” SAID ONE COUNCIL MEMBER, WHILE WEARING A STICKER THAT READ, “INTELLIGENT DESIGN PRACTICED HERE.”
SEN. PAT ROBERTS RETIRES AT THE AGE OF TWO HUNDRED AND FOURTY SIX. PROBLEM IS, HE HAD BEEN DEAD FOR TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE OF THOSE YEARS.
THE KANSAS STATE SCHOOL BOARD ADMITS THAT TRYING TO INCLUDE CREATIONISM IN SCHOOL STUDIES “WAS JUST A PRANK ON OUR PART.”
PRESIDENT BUSH ASTOUNDS THE WORLD BY ADMITTING THAT HE IS HAVING AN ONGOING AFFAIR WITH HILLARY CLINTON. “HER INTERPRETATION OF MAO’S ‘LITTLE RED BOOK’ REALLY TURNS ME ON”, HE CONFIDES.
J M WALKER FINALLY ADMITS THAT HE HAS NEVER WRITTEN A TRUTHFUL WORD IN ANY OF HIS BLOGS. “LYING IS SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN TELLING THE TRUTH”, HE TELLS THIS WRITER IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW.
PRESIDENT BUSH ADMITS HAVING AFFAIR WITH BILL CLINTON
In addition to Puny’s long list of nom d’ idiocy, add Wendy, Chief, Mike, Alan. Also, Dooda, Cat4, Ahmad, Question, Scribe.
This post a public service of the “reality based community.”
SOMEBODY HAVING A BAD DAY?
No
WMD’s are found in Iraq
BUSH HITTING THE BOOZE AGAIN
oh wait, that one’s true
INTELLIGENT LIFE DISCOVERED IN KANSAS! HITCH HIKER ADMITS HE WAS LOST.
WICHITA CITY COUNCIL REPLACED BY OUTSIDE CONSULTANT.
SNIDLEY WHIPLASH ARRESTED FOR TYING SUM1 TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS
PLANS FOR NEW WICHITA ARENA CANCELED. INTELLIGENT LIFE DISCOVERED IN WICHITA!
NEW WICHITA ARENA SELECTED FOR NATIONAL GAY PRIDE CONVENTION
BLOGOSPHERE SHOCKED TO DISCOVER THAT JM IS ACTUALLY PHIL KLINE IN DRAG
IAN ELECTED GRAND DRAGON OF WICHITA CHAPTER OF KKK
IAN ELECTED CHAIRMAN OF WICHITA NAACP
STREAKER RUNS THROUGH BOE MEETING. CONNIE MORRIS ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INDECENCY
PRESIDENT BUSH SHOCKED BY CHARGES OF COWARDICE. VOLUNTEERS FOR DUTY IN VIETNAM
WICHITA BLOG SHUT DOWN WHEN EAGLE STAFF DISCOVERED THERE WERE ONLY 2 BLOGGERS USING MULTIPLE NAMES
HANK PRICE ARRESTED FOR ASSAULTING 15 BLOGGERS OVER LUNCH TAB DISPUTE
IRAQ WMD DISCOVERED IN GODDARD
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE RUNS OUT OF NAMES FOR HURRICANES. OFFICIALS SAY NEXT HURRICANE WILL BE NAMED DAMOON
NEW DRUG APPROVED FOR HAIR REGROWTH. JW WALKER SWOONS
XXX, funny stuff.
HALLIBURTON RENAMED “BUSH/CHENEY ENTERPRISES”
New name to capitalize on government largesse
GALAHAD AND ANN COULTER TO HAVE FIRST CHILD. “I’M SO EXCITED”, SAYS GALAHAD. CHILD REPORTEDLY HAS NO SEX ORGANS.
J M WALKER FINALLY HAS A HAIR ON HIS HEAD. “CHICKS WILL BE FALLIN’ ALL OVER ME NOW”, HE SAYS, WITH AN ENIGMATIC SMILE ON HIS FACE.
XXX GOES IN FOR SEX CHANGE OPERATION TODAY. DOCTORS CONCERNED THAT CREATING A SEX FOR XXX MIGHT PRESENT A CLASSICAL PROBLEM. “WE JUST DON’T KNOW IF WE CAN DO IT”, SMILES DR. GETREAL, WHILE HOLDING A CHAIN SAW.
BUSH/CHENEY ENTERPRISES FOLDS UNDER A CLOUD OF SUSPICION. “IT APPEARS THAT THE ENTERPRISE WAS USING THE COURT SYSTEM TO HAVE ILLEGAL PING PONG BALLS MADE IN ETHIOPIA. THIS FLIES IN THE FACE OF EVERYTHING SACRED TO OUR COUNTRY”, SAID SUPERME LEADER FOR LIFE OF ETHEOPIA, JIMMY “THE SCHNOOZE” BISONI.TRIALS OF THOSE ARRESTED SHOULD TAKE AYWHERE FROM 15 TO 35 MINUTES, DEPENDING ON THE LINES TO THE BATHROOMS. EXECUTIONS WILL TAKE PLACE TOMORROW IN THE VILLAGE QUAD, WITH THE METHOD OF EXECUTION BEING DEATH BY PING PONG BALLS.FAMILIES ARE INVITED TO ATTEND AND ARE ENCOURAGED TO THROW AS MANY PING PONG BALLS AS THEY WISH. MOIST TOWELETTES WILL BE PROVIDED. VILLAGERS ARE DISCOURAGED FROM EATING THE EXECUTED.
ILLEGAL ALIENS FLEA THE UNITED STATES….Fed-up with government services and pesky laws!
NATION MOURNS AFTER PRESIDENT CHOKES TO DEATH ON TWINKY. PRESIDENT CHENEY SAYS, “THIS TERRORIST ATTACK WILL NOT GO UNANSWERED!”
PRESIDENT ANNOUNCES TODAY THAT NEWLY DISCOVERED MEMO FROM NIGERIA PROVES BEN LADEN CAUSED HURRICANE KATRINA
KANSAS BOE ANNOUNCES PLAN TO INCLUDE FLYING SPAGETTI MONSTERISM IN SCIENCE CLASSES.
CONNIE MORRIS FILES MOLESTATION CHARGES AGAINST FLYING SPAGETTI MONSTER. SAYS HE TOUCHED HER WITH HIS NOODLEY APPENDAGE
PHIL KLINE RESIGNS AFTER WICHITA EAGLE REPORTS THAT HE HAD AN ABORTION IN 1972
BEL AIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT RAIDS CEMETERY. MISTOOK LILIES FOR OPIUM POPPIES
BEL AIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT RAIDS CANDY STORE. MISTOOK ROCK CANDY FOR CRACK COCAINE
BEL AIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT RAIDS BEL AIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT. MISTOOK DAILY REPORT FOR NIGERIAN MEMO ON “YELLOW CAKE”
PARK CITY APPOINTS FRED PHELPS TO SERVE DENNIS RADER’S REMAINING TERM AS COMPLIANCE OFFICER. DOGS SHIVER IN FEAR
CONNIE MORRIS CHANGES NAME TO “CHUCK.”
Phil Kline Passes Kansas Bar Exam.
Democrats sweep into all Kansas State offices. (we can only wish)
Connie Morris admits she evolved from a man. Seeks to require teaching of transgender education in Kansas Schools.
Phil Kline begins to enforce laws, stops personal political agenda.
Wichita City Council votes againts wants of monied Wichitans and for what is best for the city as a whole.
All Sedgwick County residents called for jury duty show up.
Phil Kline Passes Kansas Bar Exam.
Democrats sweep into all Kansas State offices. (we can only wish)
Connie Morris admits she evolved from a man. Seeks to require teaching of transgender education in Kansas Schools.
Phil Kline begins to enforce laws, stops personal political agenda.
Wichita City Council votes againts wants of monied Wichitans and for what is best for the city as a whole.
All Sedgwick County residents called for jury duty show up.
DOUBLE HEADLINES PLAGUE WEBLOG!
DOUBLE HEADLINES PLAGUE WEBLOG!
Intelligent Discussion found on Eagle Weblog
3RD MAJOR HURRICANE OF THE SEASON STRIKES GULF COAST. BUSH DECLARES WAR ON NIGERIA IN RETALIATION
CHENEY RETURNS TO WASHINGTON AFTER BEING EVICTED FROM “UNDISCLOSED LOCATION”
JOHN BOLTON ARRESTED AFTER TOP 3 FLOORS OF UN FOUND MISSING
AS PRESIDENT’S POPULARITY PLUMMETS, REPUBLICANS INTRODUCE LEGISLATION TO BAN POLLS
BUSH OUTSOURCES HURRICANE RELIEF EFFORT
CHINA FORCLOSES ON US DEBT. WHITEHOUSE TO BE RENAMED “WHITE PAGODA”
DEMOCRATS FILIBUSTER BUSH NOMINATION TO REPLACE OCONNOR. BUSH DECLARES WAR ON CUBA
CUBA EXCHANGES THREE BOXES OF CIGARS FOR ONE BUSH AND ANN COULTER. GALAHAD HEART BROKEN BUT SAYS “THE UNITED STATES GOT THE BETTER DEAL. I’LL NEED FOOD STAMPS TO SUPPORT OUR CHILD, THOUGH.”
ANN COULTER KIDNAPS OWN CHILD AND RETURNS TO CUBA. GALAHAD DECLARES WAR ON CUBA.
Puny is also R.D. Liebshiezen.
I knew it. A Nazi survivor who compares abortion to the holocaust, it’s just too flipping convenient.
So let see that makes Puny an overseas visiting professor who loves Thomas Sowell, a 78 year old Nazi holocaust survivor, and a black Muslim.
Nah, it just makes him what he’s always been, a lying POS.
BTW, JM,
My own theory is that Annthrax Coulter was born a man.
That would explain why she has no children.
It doesn’t explain why thrice married and thrice divorced Fat Bastard and drug-addled Rush Limbaugh has no children.
Hmmm . . .
BIN LADEN APPOINTED US SECRETARY OF STATE
SOMETHING HAPPENED IN WICHITA YESTERDAY!LOCAL MEDIA ECSTATIC
National Media Finally Report Details of Whichita Massacre!
Jews Finally Admit That the Holocaust Was a Hoax. Jews Also Admit They Were Responsible For The Deaths Of 40 Million White Christians IN Former U.S.S.R!
Jews Admit TO Killing Jesus Christ And Beg For Forgiveness!
Science Proves Negroes To Be Missing Link!
Wichita Mayor, conceals liftime subscription to “Hustler” magazine.
Should be “Lifetime”.
BOEING FORCASTS UPTURN FOR AIRCRAFT INDUSTRY. UNEMPLOYMENT RISES IN WICHITA
WICHITA MAYOR CARLOS MAYANS SHOOTS SELF IN FOOT. INTRODUCES HAND GUN BAN FOR WICHITA
CONSTRUCTION ON KELLOGG FINISHED
WICHITA EAGLE BUILDING BURNS DOWN. lOCAL MEDIA EXPOSED AS FLAMING LIBERALS
BARBRA AND JENNA BUSH ENLIST IN TEXAS AIR NATIONAL GUARD
2500 YEAR OLD NUBIAN MUMMY IDENTIFIED AS IAN SANTIAGO
Katherine Harris, others exposed for fraud in 2000 election. private memos quote her “I’ll get you Al Gore! and your little majority too!”
HOUSE FALLS ON KATHERINE HARRIS! Bush set to declare war on Kansas.
Local conservative arrested. Was claiming tax deductions for multiple personalities.
RUSH LIMBAUGH named as new leader in war on drugs!
Roe v Wade overturned!gestation legislation pending.
Republicans declare war on sex!
Bush announces new plans for return of indentured servitude, says “I call it guaranteed employmentification”
Gander Mountain merges with Victoria’s Secret. Plans to promote a new line of hunting gear, designed just for the ladies.
Rolling stones to release a new song deicated to President G.W. Bush’s legacy. To be call, “Iraq and a hurricane”
ANN COULTER REALLY BORN A MAN. THAT EXPLAINS WHY GALAHAD AND HER/HE’S CHILD HAS NO SEX ORGANS.
Ted Kennedy to Hold Swimming Lessons at Chappaquidick
Michael Dukakis to Hold Seminar at Harvard on Photo Ops (bring your own helmet)
Howard Dean
New Podium Claims To Be Able to Withstand Weight of Both Hillary Thighs
Dan Rather to Make Up News for Comedy Central
Al Franken Increases Ratings by 100% from 6 to 12
Jimmy Carter Comments on….
Dick Cheny Gives Up Worldly Possessions To Join Buddist Monastery.
Creationists Backpedal On ID Theory When It’s discovered That Connie Morris Is Missing Link.
Damoon To Open Sex Shop In Old Town.
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock!. Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican Army control the riots. the European community (except France) is sendind food and money. The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.
Update: No Forgiveness Coming For Evil Jews!
Ian Santiago Drops Dead!!!
Growth removed from Neo con Sean Hannity’s rectum.Surgeons today succesfully removed a rectal growth from Sean Hannity, a spokesman for the bush administration. Hannity, who was in the middle of a rant throughout the surgery despite sedation, could not be reached for coherent comment. The growth, which calls itself Jimmy Bisoni, complained of disorientation and trouble thinking. It was wheeled away screaming “My heart is troubled!”
DNA TEST RESULTS IN: AL FRANKEN IS A JACKASS!
Lynching Makes a Comeback, Crime and Illegal Immigration Drop By 95% Nationwide! IT’s Good to Know You Jimmy Crow!
LYNCHING MAKES COMEBACKIAN SANTIAGO FOUND HOIST BY OWN PETARD