I know some people think we editorial cartoonists have pretty cushy jobs. Heck, just read the news. Don’t these things practically draw themselves? Would that it were so. Recently I had a run-in with that notorious nemesis of cartoonists everywhere. You know what I’m talking about — facial hair. People, we are living in an age when facial hair can come and go with the slightest whim. Soul patches erupt. Sideburns unroll. Goatees butt from chins. Full beards luxuriate and then vanish without a word of warning. Something must be done. My day was ruined by a front-page picture of state Sen. Phil Journey in Thursday’s paper. He was brandishing a full beard again! Unless I am hallucinating (hey, no comments from you who daily think it so), Journey had shaved his longtime chin friend awhile back. I saw him with my own eyes, his face so smooth and naked I wanted to avert my eyes.
So I drew him that way in the cartoon that ran INSIDE THE VERY SAME PAPER ON WHICH A FRONT-PAGE PHOTO MADE ME INTO A CHUMP. His beard was back and thumbing its nose at me. That’s his smoothly cheeked self to the left. Naturally, when I worked up the toon for the next day’s paper, also about the Legislature, I sneaked him in again in hopes of redeeming myself in the eyes of the cartoon gods. But the damage was done, and I knew it was a hollow attempt. You see, drawing a caricature of someone and then finding out he has facial hair is like ordering chicken fingers and then finding out you could have had a Kansas City strip for the same price.
Here’s my feeble attempt to get him right, from Friday’s cartoon. I know what you’re thinking: "Why, in the name of all that’s righteous, didn’t you at least put his glasses on the first caricature?" It was, and I hope my boss isn’t reading this, another grievous error on my part. I went by his official photo as posted on his legislative Web site, in which he wears no glasses. Aaaigh. Plus, I had a "rough" of him that I had drawn months ago and stuffed in a desk drawer and completely forgot about. It would have saved my bacon.
Here’s what I should have drawn. My bad. But I have a solution. I am seeking sponsors for a Kansas constitutional amendment that reads: "No Kansas public figures of such stature that may give a cartoonist cause to need to caricature said figures, shall ever alter their appearance so that their likeness differs in any aspect from their official photo. They must provide a suitable image of themselves for cartooning purposes with accurate representation of any and all facial hair, glasses and tattoos, and shall not vary one iota from that image. Ever. And this even includes Kansas Supreme Court justices, who are forbidden from interpreting this amendment in any way that might be contrary to the wants and needs of the vital cartooning industry in this noble state. And it goes double for Kansas Board of Education members."
So, come on, you amendment-crazy legislators. Help me out here. Introduce this baby, and let’s make this state great again!
Posted by Richard Crowson
The prison for “enemy combatants” may not be a Soviet gulag, as Amnesty International overstated it, but it’s a poorly conceived place that through a series of blunders and abuses has become a recruiting tool for jihadists everywhere.
Why not find a less controversial place to hold these “bad people,” as Vice President Dick Cheney recently referred to them, and also determine just how bad they are — some minors are being held at the camp, and many detainees have been characterized as lowly “foot soldiers” in the Taliban. Are they really worth the bother?
Gitmo already has been “branded,” fairly or not, in a way that makes it an ongoing public relations disaster for the United States. Nothing we can do will change that. Shut it down.
Posted by Randy Scholfield
Randy: Closing Gitmo might provide a public relations boost, but it likely would be short-lived — so I’m not sure it is worth it. The reality is that we need a place to hold enemies who are a threat to our country’s security and who have intelligence value. Many of the loudest critics can’t accept that, so they likely would continue to complain if we moved the facility somewhere else.
What everyone should agree on is that we shouldn’t abuse our prisoners, wherever they are held.
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
You may be able to blame disagreements on school prayer and property taxes on genetics. A new study suggests that your gut-level reaction to political issues such as abortion and taxes may be strongly influenced by your genes.
But your party affiliation, the study says, is more influenced by your upbringing. This could explain why people like Zell Miller and Arianna Huffington defect from their party. Miller may have been a genetic Republican trapped in the Democratic Party he was brought up in — and just the opposite for Huffington.
For more on the study, check out this New York Times article.
Posted by Melissa Cooley
By nearly everyone’s observation, the state got its butt kicked in the school finance case, with the Kansas Supreme Court siding with the plaintiffs on nearly every issue. But as the Lawrence Journal-World noted, that didn’t stop the private law firm that handled the case for the state, Lathrop & Gage, from declaring victory. Its Web site lists the case as a win.
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
It’s not firing people up the way evolution is, but the question of how the Kansas State Board of Education will replace Andy Tompkins as education commissioner stands to matter far more long term to schools and schoolchildren. As the board settles on one of two finalists, perhaps this week, it should keep in mind a point that member Bill Wagnon makes in this Topeka Capital-Journal story: Like Tompkins, the next commissioner needs to be “able to tell board members when they are going off half-cocked.”
Posted by Rhonda Holman
Derek McLuckey, general manager of Boeing Wichita’s military plant — officially renamed Friday as Integrated Defense Systems Wichita — told Eagle editorial board members last week that he and his employees are going to get much more involved in the community. In the past, they let Boeing’s commercial plant take the lead on charitable giving and serving on local boards. “We’re going to have to rise to the occasion,” he said.
How about putting Boeing’s name on the new downtown arena? “Carlos (Mayans) keeps asking me that,” McLuckey said.
Posted by Phillip Brownlee
By now, most of us have heard from the intelligent design advocates. We’ve heard from creationists and from evolutionists. But what of the Flying Spaghetti Monster-ists? Why have they been so silent throughout this debate? Well, finally, one has come forth with "An Open Letter to the Kansas School Board." It’s at this address, and it’s a doozy. Complete with graphics like the one here, which you can click on to enlarge, this site sheds much-needed light on an overlooked theory of the origin of life on Earth. Not to mention pirates. Plus, you can order T-shirts that refer to "noodly appendages." Why not have one sent to your favorite school board member?
Posted by Richard Crowson
