The Nuthouse

The following is a letter Wingnuts manager Kash Beauchamp sent to the American Association league office, including commissioner Miles Wolff, president Dan Moushon, director of umpires Kevin Winn and administrative assistant Jason Deans:
Miles, Dan, Kevin, and Jason,
 
I apologize for the delay in writing this.  I left Wichita to go to my home in Grove to be with my grandmother who is very ill and I just got back.  I have been meaning to write for a couple of days but have been spending as much time with her as possible while she is still coherent and knows I am there. 
 
I wanted to write to tell you how sorry I am for any negativity that my ejection and subsequent video may have caused.  I love the American Association and all that it is and all that it stands for and I feel I have let everyone down.  That absolutely was not my intention and it never will be.  You guys have been and always will be in my eyes way more than just “the league office”.  
 
Miles, as you well know,  I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for what you have done in bringing independent ball back.  Me playing that year in Rochester undoubtedly was the best decision I ever made, even though at the time it looked stupid for going there and playing for $1,100 a month.  My kids and I would never have the things I have now if it weren’t for that.  I know I would not be here if it weren’t for your blessing with Wichita.

Dan, you have been always been fair, honest, diligent, and extremely organized and professional.  That organization and professionalism is what sets this league apart from the others I have been with.  I feel you know me as well as anyone and I know that you know in your heart I would never to anything intentional to sabotage what we all have worked for since day one and that is to be where we are now.  I know I would not be here if it weren’t for your blessing with Wichita.
 
Kevin, like Dan, you have always been fair, honest, and professional with me.  In good times and bad.  I know our paths cross and our views differ at times, but I have always RESPECTED you and your decisions.  It doesn’t matter if I agree with all of them or not, you have always had my respect.  Like my players, I don’t care if they like me or not but they have to respect me.  Respect is earned and you have earned mine since day one. 
 
Jason, I have not known you as long or as well as the other guys, but your tireless work and always being there is one of the keys of making this operation as successful as it is.  I know you have great things in your future.  I admire your work ethic and I know how damned frustrating it can be to talk on the phone all day.  You do a helluva job and you too have earned my respect. 
 
I just want you guys to know that I am extremely sorry for my actions.  If I had to do it all over again….yes I would have gotten ejected to fire up my team.  But no I would not have gone overboard like I did.  I have read comments from people that are very negative and hurtful.  There are positive ones as well but the negative ones are the ones that stick with you.  I have been called a skin head, nazi, redneck, white trash, as well as a million other things that I wouldn’t say to an umpire at my angriest moment.   That really hurts because people that know me know I am the furthest thing from that.   I have also been called a Republican which is true, but someone said that is what John McCain would do in Iraq if he were elected.  So I have also let even my political affiliation down.
 
I have always been OLD SCHOOL.  I was raised in a clubhouse in the ’60s’ and ’70’s’ and was greatly influenced by baseball in that era.  My dad was exactly like me in his fire and passion for the game.  Things were different then.  Earl Weaver, Billy Martin, and Lou Pinella and Bobby Cox were my greatest influences and I studied their styles and admired their passion and loved it when managers stuck up for me when I played.  It made me play better.  We were down, flat, and playing with no fire or intensity when the incident happened and I just wanted to fire them up.  That is all I was trying to do.  In doing that, I really didn’t know what I was doing.  I had to look at the video and when I did I knew I had done too much.   What I have learned through all of this is that baseball has changed and I better change with it.  Whether I like the direction the game is going or not.  It makes me sick to see Manny Ramirez talking on a freaking cell phone during the game. 
 
 When I made the comment I wouldn’t change in a radio interview, I was talking about the fact that I will never lose my passion for the game and the fire and demands that my players play hard, hustle, and respect the game by giving it all they have.  And that I would never not have their backs if I thought I needed to stand up for them.   I do realize that I must change my ways of dealing with umpires after ejections.  That there are other ways to motivate my club and not get me in trouble or embarrass my team and league and mostly myself. 
 
We all know where my temper has gotten me.  NOWHERE.  Fire and passion are one thing, a bad temper is another.  It has always been my worst enemy.  The sooner I discern the difference between passion and temper the better off I will be.  It is all about staying in control.  I do love what I do and I want to keep doing what I do.  I love Wichita, and I love the people I work with here.  I want you guys to know that Josh Robertson is a great GM.  He (scolded me) about this and I love and respect him and will honor his wishes. I have caused him a lot of undue stress and I am sorry to him as well.  We have a great thing going here and I am not about to ruin it.  Josh cares about every aspect of his job with equal enthusiasm.  I have seen him blowing out the stands with a blower, picking up garbage in the parking lot and other things no other GM would probably do.  He works very hard and I respect him.  He always makes sure a new player has his name on his jersey for his first home game, I never have to worry about anything.  My experience in Lincoln was unforgettable and I feel I have finally gotten back to the same type of well run operation that I missed for so long after I left there. 
 
The bottom line is that I made a mistake.  I am sorry and will share these thoughts with Blake Felix personally in Ft. Worth.  I am man enough to admit my faults and mistakes and work to overcome them.  If y’all feel the need to share this with anyone that you need to, feel free.  I know we all want to win but I also know we are all team mates as well.  We are the American Association first and foremost and I will bust my rear to not lose focus of that like I did in my selfish actions of last week.  My sincere apologies to all.
 
Very Sincerely,
 
Kash