Yes, I watch a lot of television. A lot of its is sports, but a lot of it isn’t.
I have my shows. We all have our shows. Our shows, whatever they are, mean a lot to us. That’s uniquely American, I’m sure. It started for me when I was just a wee lad and watched shows like “Bonanza” and “Gunsmoke” and even some shows that weren’t westerns.
So, as fall is upon us, I look forward to the new television season. I’m looking for new shows that might hook me. In that spirit, here’s a rundown of the new shows that have started or soon will start and my brief synopsis on each:
The Playboy Club – As far as my wife knows, I will not be watching this show because, well, it’s about playboy models. And I just hate playboy models. What man doesn’t? An NBC affiliate in Salt Lake City is refusing to run the series because, of course, Utah is not in favor of scantily-clad women. Three women with one husband is OK, but they better be fully dressed. Honestly, this show probably won’t be must-see for me. I might watch it once to see if it has anything other than good-looking women. I’m guessing it doesn’t. Chances of getting hooked: 15 percent
2 Broke Girls – One of the stars of this CBS comedy is Kat Dennings, who many predict will be a breakout star. Hopes are high and this show gets to air between “How I Met Your Mother” and “Two and a Half Men,” which is like batting between Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth, to throw in a sports analogy. To throw in another, “2 Broke Girls” is going to get a lot of pitches to hit. Chances of getting hooked: 70 percent.
Hart of Dixie – Oh I get it, the “Hart” reference here is a play on words. A play on the word “heart.” This is one of those soapy CW shows with a lot of attractive women and a bunch of handsome guys and nobody who looks like my neighbors. Plus, I don’t even know what channel the CW is. Chances of getting hooked: 5 percent.
Terra Nova – This is the show with dinosaurs. Not real dinosaurs. At least, I don’t think they’re real. I just hope they look real. This show represents Fox’s big swing of the fall. Each episode cost about a zillion dollars to make and Steven Spielberg is a producer. Since we associate Spielberg’s name with massive success – although I can sure come up with a lot of Spielberg clunkers – “Terra Nova” is almost sure to be a hit. Chances of getting hooked: 60 percent.
New Girl – I love me some Zooey Deschanel, who is the star of this Fox comedy. In this show, her recently-dumped character moves in with three guys. Seems a bit excessive, but I’m sure Zooey knows what she’s doing. I’m guessing all three of those guys will make moves for her at some point. This is Deschanel’s show to carry and she definitely has the heft. Chances of getting hooked: 90 percent.
Unforgettable – If Zooey doesn’t do it for you, Poppy might. That’s Poppy Montgomery, formerly in “Without a Trace,” who plays a detective with total recall of everything she’s ever seen or experienced. In other words, the opposite of me. Poppy’s hair is red in this show; she was a blonde in “Without a Trace.” But, as we all know, red-headed people remember more, so that probably explains the change. Chances of getting hooked: 55 percent.
Last Man Standing – Tim Allen returns to network television with this ABC series. But from what I’m hearing, that return might not last long. So watch it while you can. Chances of getting hooked: 10 percent.
Man Up! – This looks to be a buddy show about three guys who haven’t grown up. Thank you, “Hangover,” for making shows like this fashionable. If there’s one thing we can’t get enough of, it’s irresponsible guys making idiots of themselves. The show does star Teri Polo has a wife of one of the losers. Polo once did a Playboy spread. No word on whether she will do a cameo on “The Playboy Club,” however. Chances of getting hooked: 0, nada, never in a million years.
Ringer – Fans of Buffy are ecstatic as Sarah Michelle Gellar returns to network TV eight years after slaying her last vampire. In this show, she plays identical twins. One is an ex-stripper and recovering junkie; the other a New York socialite. It wouldn’t be a TV show, I assume, if both twins worked at Wal-Mart. In this show, one of the twins searches for a missing twin. That’s all I need. Chances of getting hooked: 55 percent.
The X Factor – I’d watch seals in a singing competition, so I’m definitely going to give this show a shot. It features the reuniting of Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul and who doesn’t want to see more of them? Simon and Paula together again? Pure television magic. Or so Fox would have you believe. I’m loyal to “American Idol,” which is where those two became famous. Chances of getting hooked: 60 percent.
Up All Night – I like Christian Applegate, one of the stars, although I’ve never watched any of her previous TV shows, including “Married . . . With Children.” But I like her. And I like her co-stars, Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph, although I’ve never watched much of them, either. I’m starting to wonder now if I’m going to watch this show, which essentially is about a couple raising a baby. Like that’s never happened. Chances of getting hooked: 65 percent.
H8R – If it’s reality, I ain’t watching. And this sounds like almost every other reality show ever done. No thanks. Chances of getting hooked: Never.
I Hate My Teenage Daughter – Single moms and best friends raise pain-in-the-neck daughters. Jaime Pressly and Katie Finneran are the moms, which gives the show credibility. But there’s a great chance the teenagers will make this unwatchable. Chances of getting hooked: 20 percent. Because I really don’t like teenagers, either.
Free Agents – This is a remake of a British hit show. Aren’t there enough American shows to remake? No thanks. Chances of getting hooked: 5 percent and that’s being generous.
Revenge – If you have this show as the first to be canceled, congratulations. You just might be a winner. It stars Emily VanCamp and a bunch of actors I’ve never heard of, although Madeleine Stowe has a small part. She used to be really pretty. Maybe she still is, I don’t know. Chances of getting hooked: Slim to none.
Suburgatory – Shows with tongue-twisters as titles rarely make it. I haven’t done the research to document that opinion, but trust me. Nobody wants to start a conversation like this: “Hey, are you watching Suburba . . . Subordina . . . Sabotag . . . ah, forget it.” But the actors – Jeremy Siston, Jane Levy and Cheryl Hines to name a few – just might make it work. Chances of getting hooked: 40 percent.
Tomorrow, I’ll blog about the new shows coming for Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.