Phil Stacey's Idol Thoughts

…well, most of them.

Hello, all. I missed you last week but was thrilled with Monica’s level of “Idol” blogging ability. If Simon had been judging her effort, he might have said something like this:

“Well, Monica, it was all a bit old fashioned for me, sort of like a cabaret singer at a theme park on a cruise ship, but it was much better than last week. MUCH! I’m just being honest. What? You didn’t write the blog last week?? Well, that explains it.”

And Paula would have said:

“Monica, you, the colors of the range of your words… Monica, you’re just so. You’re so Monica. You’re so you. And that’s why you’re you and all your colors and when you wrote that you really, you colored my textures cuz you’re you. And you’re great.”

Monica, this is my long-winded way of saying, “THANKS DAWG!”

And now if you’d allow me one more word about last week before we move on to this week, it would be this: AMANDA?!?! GONE?!?!?!? WHEN I’M NOT HERE TO SAVOR IT?!?!?! Not fair!!

I must say, though, without Her Royal Rockin’ Awkwardness on stage stinking things up, the final contestants came across as a pretty talented bunch. For the first time this whole season, I actually started to buy all that “It’s the most talented group we’ve ever had!” hype.

This week, though, didn’t do much to change my mind about any of the contestants.

I still love Brooke White and Jason Castro. These two have been my favorites since the beginning because they both have such an easy presence on the stage. Performing comes naturally to them. They never seem like they’re trying too hard. They never struggle to hit the notes. They’re never boring. Despite Brooke’s “Oops she started it again” mistake on “Every Breath You Take” and Jason’s too-safe performance of “Fragile,” they both still led the pack as far as I’m concerned. Or maybe I just like Sting.

I still continue to be amazed by David Cook, who wins this season’s Blake Lewis award for taking risks that always pay off. Although he didn’t come up with that rockin’ arrangement of “Billie Jean,” he certainly seemed to make Paula, Randy, Simon and the audience think he did. He’s highly watchable, despite his Pike’s Peak of a forehead. (His description, not mine.)

I still am rooting for Chikezie, because he’s so lovable and also because he’s shown great potential to challenge David Cook in the originality category. Sadly, every other week, he bores us to tears with old fashioned R&B snoozers like “If Only For One Night.” Ditto Syesha Mercado, who has a beautiful voice but who somehow bores me all the same.

I’m still confused by Carly Smithson, who I think I’m supposed to like, really feel I should like, but try as I might, just can’t get excited about. Though I do love me a little Bonnie Tyler on a Tuesday night. Turn around bright eyes INDEED!

I’m still unsure about Michael Johns, who seems slightly brain dead on stage but who sorta lit a fire under “We Are the Champions.” Plus, he gets extra points for having the common decency to have been born in the 1970s. Thank you, Michael. I was getting suicidal there for a bit.

I’m also still unsure about David Archuleta. He’s sweet and talented but sometimes gives me the heebies. This week, said heebies were produced by the gag-o-rific “Up With People” tune he sang. What WAS that?

And finally, I’m still more sure than ever that Kristy Lee Cook and Ramiele Malubay have to go. Though she obviously has a good voice, Ramiele hasn’t delivered a single solid performance all season. Those high notes on “Alone?” Well, let’s just say I’ve delivered those EXACT notes alone in my car a gazillion times. And I can’t sing. At all.

And as for Kristy, I’m not sure what “Team America” cigarettes the judges were smoking, but I never, ever in my worst 1980s nightmare dreamed I’d hear an “American Idol” contestant cover Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” In fact, I was pretty sure it was just a very bad dream until that signature cymbal crash (”And I’d gladly stand up……… CRASH! ……next to you and defend her still today) woke me up. Leave that song in the Crown Uptown Christmas revue where it belongs. And leave Kristy Lee in the spot Simon predicted long ago she’d finish — 10th.

So what did you think? Who stole Randy’s bicycle before the show? Do you love the word “ghastly” as much as Simon and I do? And who will go on Wednesday?

So many Idol Thoughts are running through my mind, I really don’t know where to begin.

I still can’t stop thinking about that hot new stage and wondering if Ricky and the band are ticked that they’ve been elevated to a perch so high above the action that no one should notice the background singers outdoing the contestants 49.9 percent of the time.

A slight confession before we begin. I’m not a Beatles fan. I know I’m supposed to be. I know it’s un-American not to be. But they just don’t excite me, and I know I was hearing some of these songs from the all-holy “Lennon/McCartney Songbook” for the first time ever tonight. SAW-EEE!

As for the performances, let’s divide tonight’s into four categories, and we’ll start with:

SO SURPRISING!
1. Chikezie: OMG that was awesome! You know an “Idol” performance is good when you find yourself involuntarily grinning from ear-to-ear before it’s even half over. Not sure where that energetic, crazy original version of “She’s A Woman” came from. Also not sure why Chikezie didn’t do that sorta thing sooner. Maybe it takes a moment of truth like waiting for your death sentence hand-in-hand with Danny Noriega to make a man wake up and smell the Argyle. Whatever happened there, I liked it, and I hope we see more.

2. Amanda Overmyer: Despite the many, many, many criticisms of Amanda I have made this season, I do not go into her performances expecting to hate her. She and I and that crazy dye job start fresh every week. And I actually thought this week’s was decent. I might even have heard a bit of a singing voice hiding one layer beneath all that garbling in her “You Can’t Do That.” I still don’t think she can compare, talent-wise, to most of the rest, but I won’t be so angry this week when she doesn’t leave. And we all know she won’t.

NOT REMOTELY SURPRISING
1. The judges continued to heap praise on Carly “What’s the Name of That Irish Girl?” Smithson, who I can admit is a vocal talent but who just isn’t all that exciting to me. She did look the best she’s ever looked tonight, but I have to wonder why the judges are so dead-set on keeping her.

2. Syesha Mercado continued her streak of performances that can best be described as… reliable. She’s safe this week, but YAWN, I do not enjoy watching her.

3. Jason Castro continued to exude charm and charisma, even though his performance of “If I Fell” was a tad lackluster. His interview skills, however, have improved ten-fold. Go Aggies.

4. Michael Johns continued to look 20,000 times better than he sounds. And I’m not complaining. At all.

5. Brooke White continued to cement her spot as my absolute favorite contestant. Although I sure hope we can dig up SOME sort of scandal in her snow white past (cutting a tag off a mattress, perhaps??) she sings with conviction and passion and maturity and sounds pretty fabulous doing so. Loved her take on “Let It Be,” and take it from someone who flubbed up many a grade school piano recital, hitting every key correctly is no small feat.

6. David Hernandez continued to ooog me out. Sorry man. We’re done. (He sang “I Saw Her Standing There,” in case you weren’t wondering.)

KINDA SURPRISING, IN A NOT-SO-SURPRISING KIND OF WAY
1. David Cook is starting to look like the David to beat. Last week’s rocking “Hello” could have been just a fluke. But apparently not, considering he rocked “Eleanor Rigby” just as hard. And it CAN’T be easy to rock a song called “Eleanor Rigby.” Can it??

2. Poor David Archuleta. His lyric-forgetting, cringeworthy performance of “We Can Work it Out” was just bad, bad, bad. But it was bound to happen. How much pressure can a kid that young really endure? I’m sure he’ll bounce back. At least I hope so. Not sure I could stand listening to mean old Simon rip into that innocent young boy. Child abuse!

BUH-BYE
1. It’s got to be Kristy Lee Cook going home on Wednesday. Her countrified “Eight Days A Week” was as bold as it was bad.

2. But if it isn’t, I’ve got to think Ramiele Malubay will get the boot. Everyone of her performances has been soulless and robotic, and even though her voice is good, she’s squandering her opportunity. I’m not sure she has any true star potential. (And JUST when I’d learned to spell her name.)

Decisions! Decisions! Can’t we still lose two???

So what do you think? Do you , like me, wish Simon and Ryan would just GET A ROOM already? Would Dolly Parton on helium even be audible to the human ear? And will Kristy Lee or Ramiele go home on Wednesday?