…it’s Cooked.
Okay, so I realize that we still have four-plus weeks left in this season of “American Idol,” but I feel comfortable to go on the record with this:
If David Cook does not win, the show is definitely fixed.
I’m sorry, but who else has been more consistent than Cook? Every week, he delivers a wow performance. And if it’s a little short of wow, it’s just a few degrees south of excellent.
His competitors aren’t even in the same league. Jason is lovable but seemed to quit trying three weeks ago. Brooke is beautiful and talented but lost any semblance of confidence three weeks ago. Syesha is fine but dull. Archuleta is a friggin robot.
In her one single, solitary moment of clarity on Tuesday’s show, Paula actually summed it all up when she told David, “I feel like I’m already looking at the next ‘American Idol.’”
Of course, Paula might have thought she was talking to the other David. Or Chikeze.
Rant over. Let’s get to Neil Diamond night.
I must just state for the record that I love Neil Diamond with a fervor that makes my Andrew Lloyd Weber and Dolly Parton obsessions seem mild. The “Jazz Singer” soundtrack has been in my possession since the 1980s, and I just listened to a song or two on my iPod today.
Still, for the most part, Neil makes for pretty awkward “Idol” material.
David Cook’s “All I Really Need is You” was the only song without a single cringe-worthy moment. He really did make that song seem current, and just to prove I thunk it before the judges did, I scribbled it in my notepad as quickly as I could.
Even though she still has a long road back to excellent, I did like Brooke’s “I Am, I Said,” despite the fact that Arizona has no shores I can detect. Maybe lake shores? I can forgive that, though, because it was the first performance in weeks where I wasn’t worried she’d stop and vomit right on stage. Which is an urge I felt during her “I’m A Believer.” Gotta agree with Simon. Nightmare.
You know I love Jason, but seriously, is he even trying anymore? Has he decided he’ll get through just by sparkling his sparkly sparklers at the camera? Well, he might just. But I still think he should attempt something slightly different. That said, “Forever in Blue Jeans” was way better than “September Morn.”
I kinda liked Syesha’s “Hello” (though we all knew she’d pick that one, didn’t we Monica?) But her “Thank The Lord for the Nighttime” was unconvincing enough to make me forget she’d even said “Hello.”
And as for Archuleta… well, after this week, I feel 99.9 percent certain that those judges have been instructed by the men who sign their paychecks to never criticize him. Why? I’m not entirely sure. But how else can you explain the fact that he drones his way through song after identical song, and all the judges every say to him is, “SOLID AS USUAL!” Even Jason’s worst moment on Tuesday was 10 times more genuine than David’s best.
Sadly, I think he’ll be in the final with David Cook. A David-David final. And if the wrong one wins, I say we all join in eternal protest.
So what did you think? Who was the best? Who was the worst? Whose turn is it to go? And most important, are there some taping tricks going on the viewing audience isn’t privy to, or was Paula really so stoned that she thought Jason had already sung twice???
How appropriate is it that when Brooke White launched into her final, tearful farewell performance on “American Idol,” she wanted to… start over?
