Idol Thoughts

And if you think you’re happy, you should just see me, sitting here in my pajamas at 10:03 p.m. on Tuesday night, about to launch into another season of “American Idol” recaps, knowing that once I hit “publish,” there’s no turning back, no escaping the weeks of “comments,” the months of ups, downs and pitchy notes, the dizzying complication of trying to juggle “Idol,” “Big Brother,” and, pretty soon, “Dancing With the Stars,” too.

But enough about me. We are here to discuss “American Idol,” and that’s exactly what we’ll do after every night’s episode. I’ll try to have my brief thoughts posted by 10:30 at the latest each night that the show’s on, and then you can chime in, adding your own critiques of the show, and probably of me and the Eagle and the City Council and Hilary Clinton and Wichita drivers and whatever other off-topic is bothering you today. Although I’d prefer if we could limit our discussion to “Idol.”

Now that we have those ground rules out of the way, let’s get to it. Tuesday night was the first night of real competition, when “Idol” rolled out its top 12 guys. Over the next three loooong weeks, they’ll pare it down to six. Girls start singing tomorrow, and the same rules apply.

Did you know we have another local guy on “Idol?” Well, sort of. Those who thought Phil Stacey’s ties to Wichita were tenuous are gonna hate Chickeze. (Google wonders, “Did you mean chicken?) No, Google, I mean Chickeze, formerly Chickeze Eze, though he seems to have recently misplaced his last name. Chickeze went to Bethel in Newton for a whole year, back in 2004/2005. So even though he’s from California, he’s the closest we’ve got to a hometown guy. And he played the lead in Bethel’s “Faust.” Opera!

Sadly, Chickeze did not impress the judges, either with his killer orange suit or his rendition of “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday.” We might have him around for a while, though, because the guy is lippy and appears ready to antagonize Simon all season. Can you blame him? The Britwit did call him “Jacuzzi” on live television. I’d stick with “Chicken.”

As for the rest of the top 12, they all fit neatly into a few easy-to-remember categories.

FAVORITES: There’s no denying that they’re good. So it’s too bad that both baby-faced David Archuleta and Aussie-turned-Atlantan Michael Johns are two of the semi-pros “Idol” fans are complaining about this week. Their experience was hard to miss and really set them apart. Others who earned their votes on night one: Popper-turned-rocker Robbie Carrico and adorable sparkly eyed dread lock boy Jason Castro. Those are my four favorites so far.

TOO OLD: I have a hard, hard time believing some of these guys are really under 29. Luke Menard? David Cook? Class of ‘89, much?

TOO CREEPY: I’m sorry, but a few of these guys are just hard to watch. The leader on that list has to be Garrett Haley, whose crunchy 70s mane is only slightly less yucky than his upper lip fuzz, lilty voice and overall pastiness. I’m also quite creeped out by Danny Noriega, who’s enthusiastic to the point of unwatchable. And although I’m only 49 percent creeped out by Colton Berry, he didn’t do himself any favors by pointing out his own resemblance to Ellen. (Kinda dances like her, too.)

ALL THE REST: Can’t remember a thing about them, even when I consult my notes. Not a good sign.

On Wednesday night, the girls sing, then we’ll lose four contestants on Thursday.

So what do you think? Who were the standout men? Who whitens Jason Yeager’s teeth? Is Chickeze more chicken or jacuzzi? And who will be the first two to go?

Gotta go. “Nip/Tuck” is on, and I’m hungry for fruit cake.