Yes, it’s that time again. Time for another game of Who is the Opinion Line caller?
Here we go with an item pulled directly from the editorial pages of The Eagle:
Bless columnist Mark McCormick for his concern about scantily clad girls jumping up and down at intersections. What the girls don’t realize is that bare skin is not attractive. Why did God put beautiful feathers on birds?
Well, I personally think God put beautiful feathers on birds so that they could fly. But that’s just me. Maybe it was to cover their very provocative bodies, I don’t pretend to know God’s motives. Anyway, this Opinion Line caller is a devoutly religious woman _ or at least thinks she is. And a bird watcher. There at least 12 bird houses in her back yard and she spends most of her time looking for red-breasted Nuthatch, although she will not utter the words "red-breasted." She calls the bird red-chested, though it irritates her husband of 37 years, who asks himself every day exactly what made him marry this woman.
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She must have some sort of clothing fetish.
Either that, or she’s asexual.
so she won’t say “red-breasted” but she will say “Nuthatch”? sorry, i had to…
She averts her eyes from the scandal rags near the checkout. She avoids all eyecontact with strangers. She is known as the crazy lady on the block.
Her husband goes to the corner bar everynight for some sanity and dreads Sundays because he knows she’ll browbeat him into Sunday morning and evening church services. He goes only if he can find his hip flask and goes to the restroom every 15 minutes for a tipple.
I’ve plucked my share of birds — they’re not all that hot-looking under the feathers!
And when we’re out driving in the family minivan, and we go past one of those car washes, my wife hits me for no apparent reason — just says “They’re young enough to be your daughter!” What exactly does THAT have to do with it? SHE used to be young enough to be my daughter (of course, so was I back then, except that I would have been young enough to be my son, of course), and I’m still with her 20 years later…